Welsh Grindr users on the 2021 Senedd election

On 6 May 2021, Senedd Cymru – the Welsh Parliament – will hold its sixth election (and first since it was renamed from “National Assembly for Wales”). I’ve polled Welsh Grindr users once before, on the 2015 UK general election. (I’ve also polled Scotland on 6 occasions – on independence in 2014Brexit in 2016, the European election of 2019, and the general elections of 20152017, and 2019; London twice – on the general elections of 2017 and 2019; and the United States twice – on the presidential elections of 2016 and 2020.) This time, I asked 816 Grindr users across Wales who they want to represent them in the Senedd.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good morning, Meaty Dad Dick. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Meaty Dad Dick: what kind of chat up line is that

Me: Good morning, Hnh. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Hnh: What the fuck Hnh: You in Wrong place

Me: Good afternoon, Lokin4fun. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Lokin4fun: Here to get my cock sucked not to talk about politics

Me: Good evening, Keith slut. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Keith slut: None I've become disenchanted with politics

Me: Good evening, ask away. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? ask away: None they all corrupt nonses, money grabbing lying cheating cunts. Wbu

Me: Good evening, Older power top. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Older power top: Odd question. Labour if you must know. What about you? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Older power top. Older power top: You are a young man so you need to think of your future. Do you believe in neo-liberalism or do you favor the government helping people. The contrast between England - disastrous track and trace Wales 97% success. Same with vaccination. In Wales free prescriptions and hospital parking - in England you pay. The contrast is stark.

Me: Good evening, Older 4 younger. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Older 4 younger: Good evening and the answer is Plaid Cymru. Me: Thank you for your input, Older 4 younger. Older 4 younger: I would be delighted to give you More input

Me: Good afternoon, Robert. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Robert: Pahahahabaha fuckin none of them don't bother with none of that shite rather live my life day by day instead of thinking that knob heads in power are ever gonna make a difference to my life only thing a pen pusher is ever gonna look at is their pay packet nout else 🤣

Me: Good evening, Gav. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Gav: OMG! Super excited to be polled. It's been a dry pandemic. I've decided to split my vote this time. Labour have received my constituency vote, whilst my list vote has gone to Plaid Cymru. Similarly in the PCC's my first preference vote has gone to Plaid, whilst my second vote has gone to Labour. Thanks for the poll and I forward to reading the results

Me: Good afternoon, kinky fun. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? kinky fun: eh? kinky fun: firstly, thats confidential and secondly its none of your damn business Me: Thank you anyway, kinky fun. kinky fun: sod you

Me: Good afternoon, horseman. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? horseman: None of them are remotely inspiring Me: Do you intend to vote for an uninspiring party, or abstain from voting? horseman: I've yet to decide horseman: I can't begin to believe that any of them would thrive in business. As an employer with 500 plus staff, I wouldn't pay any of them. So why would I want to vote for them?!

Me: Good morning, horny top. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? horny top: Tbh its the first time I cant decide who to vote for as they are all useless horny top: Wbu Me: I am also undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. horny top: I think labour has had long enough in power now, time sor someone else but I doubt the sheep will vote for any other party Me: Who do you think the "someone else" should be? horny top: That's the problem, I think they're all as bad as each other lol

Me: Good morning, DRAGRACEFIXED!. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? DRAGRACEFIXED!: Plaid DRAGRACEFIXED!: You?? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. DRAGRACEFIXED!: Lol good luck there! DRAGRACEFIXED!: Plaid is led by a gay man Me: I will take that into account. DRAGRACEFIXED!: Sadly too many gays vote conservative

Me: Good morning, Horny asf. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Horny asf: Conservatives Horny asf: Wbu Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Horny asf. Horny asf: No problem sexy

Me: Good evening, sissy. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? sissy: Abloslise Me: Do you mean Abolish, as in the Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party? sissy: Yes

Me: Good morning, Bye 👋🏼 Welshe. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Bye 👋🏼 Welshe: Devolution should be revoked and wales should become a district of the English country side 😊 Me: That's more or less the policy of the Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party. Is that who you're supporting? Bye 👋🏼 Welshe: Yes I will vote to who ever will abolish the assembly and cancel devolution.

Me: Good morning, Fill me now. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Fill me now: Abolish Welsh government Me: Thank you for your input, Fill me now. Fill me now: Pucs Fill me now: Pics

Me: Good afternoon, Bi Guy for fun. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Bi Guy for fun: All are corrupt. Politics is now so deeply devisive it no longer serves the common good Me: Thank you anyway, Bi Guy for fun. Bi Guy for fun: Nice, married bi here

Me: Good morning, suck me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? suck me: You suck me then I suck you, in labour all the way Me: Thank you for your input, suck me. suck me: You suck me then I suck you

Me: Good morning, Daveybear. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Daveybear: Plaid Daveybear: What about you? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Daveybear. Daveybear: Do you want to know why as a lifelong labour voter I shall be voting h Plaid? Me: Yes, I do. Daveybear: As an independent nation we can re join the EU. I would Wales to be an independent nation inside a big trading block than an ignored adjunct to Westminster.

Me: Good afternoon, OrganMorgan. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? OrganMorgan: Dw i ddim yn gwybod [translation: I don't know] OrganMorgan: Dw i wrth fy modd efo Mark Drakeford 😘 [translation: I love Mark Drakeford 😘] Me: So you might be supporting Labour? OrganMorgan: Wrth cwrs [translation: By course] Me: Thank you for your input, OrganMorgan. OrganMorgan: Diolch [translation: Thank you] OrganMorgan: Croeso [translation: Welcome]

Me: Good evening, berty big balls. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? berty big balls: Well it wint be fucking tory for sure berty big balls: won't Me: Do you have any particular non-Tory parties in mind? berty big balls: only the othe major party of UK berty big balls: I'm not voting plaid cos they want to mess up council tax for me they should consider that a house is not an income Me: So you are supporting Labour, is that right? berty big balls: dont think much of stammer or drake but yes Me: Thank you for your input, berty big balls. berty big balls: lol who are you voting for ? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. berty big balls: they are all corrupt however its not the labour party who have been selling off the NHS or the welfare state berty big balls: hope that helps also let me add that I think the UK is insane to leave this gang of crims in power

Me: Good afternoon, Bored Bi 👀. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Bored Bi 👀: I'd rather get fucked by a horse then waste time on any of those imbeciles

Me: Good afternoon, farmer. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? farmer: Plaid cymru fir indrpended Wales sooner we got out of UK the better Me: Thank you for your input, farmer. farmer: Who r u voting for Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. farmer: Adam price is welsh leader he is gay and u derstant6

Me: Good evening, Farmer Ben. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Farmer Ben: Kill the senedd party Me: Are you referring to the Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party? Farmer Ben: Yes that's the one Me: Thank you for your input, Farmer Ben. Farmer Ben: Guess your one of the lemming party Me: What is the lemming party? Farmer Ben: Plaid cymru Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Farmer Ben: Vote Liberal then Me: Liberal Democrats? Why? Farmer Ben: Middle of the road in these parts

Me: Good evening, love bondage. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? love bondage: The ones who tie me up and humiliate me Me: Conservatives? love bondage: Probaly

Me: Good evening, 👀 4 fun now. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? 👀 4 fun now: Whoever willing to take bare cock up his arse.... Me: Which candidate do you believe is most willing to take bare cock up their arse? 👀 4 fun now: Lol... Noneof them are my type Me: I have been informed that Adam Price is gay. 👀 4 fun now: Good for him Me: Does this not mean he has your support? 👀 4 fun now: Politics isn't about orientation... I know quite a lot of dickheads around here

Me: Good morning, LEO WANKER. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? LEO WANKER: Are you taking the piss none of them isn't it amazing how lockdown and travel restrictions ended just in time for these pointless elections LEO WANKER: I've only got one answer to these politicians death to all these money grabbing motherfuckers Me: Thank you anyway, LEO WANKER. LEO WANKER: I give you another reason just like that twisted sister song especially made for politicians "shoot them down shoot them down with a fucking gun"

Me: Good morning, fuck me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? fuck me: Picts Me: [a photo of Mark Drakeford] Me: [a photo of Adam Price] Me: [a photo of Andrew RT Davies] fuck me: You picts

Me: Good morning, YesCymru. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? YesCymru: Plaid Cymru Me: Thank you for your input, YesCymru. YesCymru: Was there a purpose to that question? Me: I have an extremely specific fetish for Welsh parliamentary politics. YesCymru: Good job I didn't say I'm a Tory, that would have been a challenging wank

Me: Good morning, Horny 🍆😜. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? Horny 🍆😜: None of you're business party 😅 Me: Are they on the ballot? Horny 🍆😜: Yes

Me: Good morning, horny. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Senedd election? horny: The fuck off party Me: Are they on the ballot? horny: Fuck off

 

STATISTICS:

Of the 816 users I questioned, 260 responses were counted. 83 of these users answered with parties.

Voters in Senedd elections get two votes – one vote to elect an MS in their constituency using first-past-the-post, and one vote to elect additional MSs from broader regional lists using proportional representation. In order not to overly harass users for specific details of their votes, I made the following assumptions: that anyone who replied with only one party was supporting them in both the constituency and list vote, and that anyone who replied with two parties without clarifying which was their constituency vote and which was their list vote was naming them in sequential order – the first being their first vote (i.e. their constituency vote), and the second being their second vote (i.e. their list vote).

This is every combination of parties I received:

39% (32)Both votes Plaid
27% (22)Both votes Labour
7% (6)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Plaid
6% (5)Both votes Conservative
6% (5)Both votes Abolish
2% (2)Both votes Green
1% (1)Both votes Lib Dem
1% (1)Both votes Monster Raving Loony
1% (1)Both votes Christian
1% (1)Both votes BNP
1% (1)Both votes SNP
1% (1)1st vote Plaid, 2nd vote Green
1% (1)1st vote Plaid, 2nd vote Lib Dem
1% (1)1st vote Labour, no 2nd vote
1% (1)1st vote Conservative, 2nd vote Abolish
1% (1)1st vote Wayne Owen (independent), 2nd vote Labour
1% (1)1st vote Kevin Etheridge (independent), no 2nd vote

Here are the results of the constituency vote:

40% (34)Plaid Cymru
36% (30)Labour Party
7% (6)Conservative Party
6% (5)Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party
2% (2)Green Party of England and Wales
1% (1)Liberal Democrats
1% (1)Monster Raving Loony Party
1% (1)Christian Party
1% (1)British National Party
1% (1)Scottish National Party
1% (1)Wayne Owen (independent)
1% (1)Kevin Etheridge (independent)

And here are the results of the list vote:

46% (38)Plaid Cymru
29% (24)Labour Party
7% (6)Abolish the Welsh Assembly Party
6% (5)Conservative Party
4% (3)Green Party of England and Wales
2% (2)Liberal Democrats
1% (1)Monster Raving Loony Party
1% (1)Christian Party
1% (1)British National Party
1% (1)Scottish National Party

Elections of police and crime commissioners are taking place on the same day. I didn’t ask for votes in these, but 3 were volunteered anyway – 2 respondents voted Plaid (1 with Labour as 2nd preference), and 1 voted for an independent candidate whose name they can’t remember. Here’s what that looks like in table form:

67% (2)Plaid Cymru
33% (1)Independent candidate whose name they can't remember

Not counted towards any of the above percentages are the following responses:

32Undecided
38None of the above
10Not eligible to vote
98Evasive or unclear

And evasive or unclear responses can be roughly divided into the following categories:

15Mind your own business
10Too horny to engage politically
9What the fuck?
9Who cares?
9Why?
9Fictional/joke answers ("Sex Party", "Sausage Party", "UKIP" etc)
8This is not the place for that
7Vague/cryptic
7Non sequitur/incomprehensible
6That's an unusual chat-up line
6Miscellaneous evasion
3I've already voted (presumably people who think I'm trying to change their vote)

 

This is one of three polls conducted in the run-up to the elections of May 6 2021. The other two are:

London Grindr users on the 2021 mayoral election

On 6 May 2021, Londoners will vote in their sixth mayoral election. I’ve polled London Grindr users twice before, for the 2017 and 2019 general elections. (I’ve also polled Scotland 6 times – on Scottish independence, Brexit, the 2015, 2017, and 2019 general elections, and the 2019 European election; the United States twice – on the 2016 and 2020 presidential elections; and Wales once – on the 2015 general election.) This time, I asked 1,059 Grindr users across London who they want to be their mayor.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, Jogging buddy. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Jogging buddy: Ugly

Me: Good evening, ay papi 💋. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? ay papi 💋: None of your business twat

Me: Good morning, ⬇️FitAssFckDad. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? ⬇️FitAssFckDad: Sorry this is an app for gay sex encounters

Me: Good evening, open bottom. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? open bottom: Its easentially uncontested. Theres Khan. And a load of "also rans" - because London is Labour! open bottom: London really should secede from the uk and just become a city state

Me: Good evening, So'clDissonance. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? So'clDissonance: Sadiq seems to be the safer bet among an odd lineup. Me: Thank you for your input, So'clDissonance. So'clDissonance: I haven't looked into the other candidates too deeply, but I find single-issue candidates to not have much to say or do outside of their pet areas. Yet I kind of wish Sadiq was more effective...taxes are up, housing is still problematic, and petty crime seems to have gone up. Not all of this can be blamed on Covid.

Me: Good evening, deviluno. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? deviluno: Well was going to be kharn but he stopped me cycling past the london assembly so he lost so I'm withholding my vote in protest.u Me: Sadiq Khan stopped you cycling past the London Assembly? deviluno: had his traffic wombles lined up down there making u dismount ,suppose he dident want us in his photo opp.so if I'm not good enough 4 a picture he can stick his vote,such a fickle would en it.

Me: Good morning, Always swallow. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Always swallow: Haven't made my mind up yet who do you recommend Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Always swallow: Like to be suck a large cock As I think about it

Me: Good afternoon, XXL fit top. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? XXL fit top: The candidate with the smoothest hole Me: Which candidate do you think has the smoothest hole? XXL fit top: Don't know yet. Waiting to see their manifestos

Me: Good morning, Bussyman. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Bussyman: Anyone with a bbc Me: Sadiq Khan, Shaun Bailey, Siân Berry, and Luisa Porritt all participated in a televised BBC debate. Me: Is this what you're referring to? Bussyman: Of course

Me: Good evening, Sucker&Rimmer 👇. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Sucker&Rimmer 👇: That's for me to know and for you to find out! Me: That's why I asked, Sucker&Rimmer 👇. Sucker&Rimmer 👇: It's between me and the ballot box

Me: Good evening, Covent Garden. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Covent Garden: It's a private ballet Me: Thank you anyway, Covent Garden. Covent Garden: None of your fucking business

Me: Good afternoon, pig and cuck. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? pig and cuck: Looks you got too much time on your hands.... What abt go and fuck yourself

Them: Hey Me: Hey. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Them: A+ for originality Them: I'm not voting in the forthcoming London mayoral election Them: But if I should reason my way to an answer Them: I'd say I've met our current Mayor he's a very nice guy. He's, from what I've observed, is a great dad. But his leadership is so far lackluster. Them: I work in criminal law and I can tell you Sadiq's effort (or the lack there of) has lead to minimum change in violent crime in London Them: ^ I care about this issue more than the rights favorite talking argument right now being he's bankrupt TFL Them: Bryan Rose... I dunno I saw him and thought - this dude looks like a Bond villain Them: I think he'd do major damage to British politics Them: In the sense that British politics is already becoming more Americanised and I think Britain's strength is in preserving its culture. Them: As for the Tory party's candidate I don't know anything about him Them: I think the Conservative party does a poor job at marketing their candidates. Them: So as it goes Kahn would be a politics as usual mayor Them: Rose mmm I get that I'm speculating but I'm sure if he wins he'll be the most interesting Them: And the conservative dude (I think he's black) well I think his obscurity isn't doing him any favors Them: So Kahn based on my minimum knowledge. Them: I'm done 🤣

Me: Good evening, SLICK SMOOTH. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? SLICK SMOOTH: 🤔the cutest one... 🤷‍♂️ Me: Who do you think is the cutest candidate? SLICK SMOOTH: Remind me, who are my options? SLICK SMOOTH: Oh I know, I've erred on the side of what's his name SLICK SMOOTH: Shaun Bailey SLICK SMOOTH: Not so much the looks on this occasion SLICK SMOOTH: More drawn by his manifesto, strong conservative views, and anyone but Sadie Kant. SLICK SMOOTH: He has single handedly ruined London for motorists, and constantly used the excuse that it's not his gouvernment running the country. SLICK SMOOTH: This all said young man, SLICK SMOOTH: To summarise, no political candidate is going to have my best interests at heart...,. So fuck em! SLICK SMOOTH: Have a lovely day, x

Me: Good morning, Open minded fun. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Open minded fun: Don't know Open minded fun: Not Bailey Open minded fun: Maybe the one who says she'll be the last I like that ! Open minded fun: Khan is rubbish too Open minded fun: But at least we don't have Boris Me: The one who says she'll abolish the post of mayor, and hence be the last mayor of London, is Valerie Brown; is this who you're referring to? Open minded fun: Yes maybe so ! Why not

Me: Good evening, Mike, slut now. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Mike, slut now: Lord binface Mike, slut now: Not a tory, but Khan has been terrible Mike, slut now: Worst mayor ever Mike, slut now: Bring bk red Ken livingston Mike, slut now: N I hate labour but Ken was at least in touch

Me: Good afternoon, Swallow Ur 💦🍆. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Swallow Ur 💦🍆: Myself Me: Are you on the ballot? Swallow Ur 💦🍆: Yes I'm the mayor of blowjobs

Me: Good morning, Ok Big Balls. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Ok Big Balls: [a photo of his balls, that I've censored] Me: Are they on the ballot? Ok Big Balls: Yes

Me: Good afternoon, Big asses. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Big asses: Lool Big asses: U got a big ass Big asses: ?? Me: Somewhat. Big asses: Let's see your ass Me: It's not on the ballot, Big asses. Big asses: Fuck off Big asses: Wired prick

Me: Good evening, huggernaut. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? huggernaut: Hah. If you're the same chap who has done political polls on Grindr before, I've seen the results on Twitter before, and have greatly enjoyed them! It's a real tough one, to be honest. TL;DR: I will probably end up spoiling my ballot, for the first time in any election. huggernaut: In 2016 I voted Green as my first preference, and Labour as my second. I joined the Labour party under Corbyn's tenure as leader, and became a party activist, but have pretty much given up on it under Starmer, and will let my membership lapse. huggernaut: In my opinion, Sadiq Khan has achieved very little in office, especially on affordable housing. Also, this stance about the 2019 general election result, as well as consistently attacking Corbyn rather than getting behind him sealed the deal for me. Especially given what we're seeing with the current Tory government. huggernaut: [picture of an article headlined "Sadiq Khan says voters 'got it right' by not backing Labour at general election"] huggernaut: The Green Party (in England and Wales, at least) have serious issues with transphobia, having managed to elect a TERF as their co-chair of Green Party Women. huggernaut: Having just looked it up, it looks like Siân Berry is actively trying to distance herself from that, having pledged to make London the most "trans-inclusive city in the world" and protect LGBT spaces. But I still wouldn't want to endorse the party as a whole, under those circumstances. huggernaut: With the Lib Dems still being led by Ed Davey, who was deeply involved in the austerity policies of the Coalition years, I wouldn't want to vote for the Lib Dems either.

Me: Good evening, Head? 🥵. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Head? 🥵: The fucking Laurence guy Fuck him man Me: You are supporting Laurence Fox? Head? 🥵: Fuck him man

Me: Good morning, ARTPOP. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? ARTPOP: Either Max Fosh or Niko Omilana Me: Any preference between the two right now? ARTPOP: Ain't decided yet Me: Thank you anyway, ARTPOP. ARTPOP: Who're you voting for Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. ARTPOP: Okay well #StreamARTPOP

Me: Good evening, MEET ME NOW. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? MEET ME NOW: Ksi xx MEET ME NOW: Adolf hitler hard choice g Me: Unfortunately, neither KSI nor Adolf Hitler are on the ballot. Me: KSI has endorsed Niko Omilana for mayor. Me: Adolf Hitler has not endorsed anybody. MEET ME NOW: I'm going to be the mayor Me: Congratulations, MEET ME NOW. Me: Are you Niko Omilana? MEET ME NOW: Shush MEET ME NOW: Are u on gay shit MEET ME NOW: Like me MEET ME NOW: Dirty daddy MEET ME NOW: I'm going to cum in your ears and watch it come out of ur nose and lick Me: That's an unusual election promise, Niko. MEET ME NOW: Send me dick pic

Me: Good evening, Spittoon. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Spittoon: That is an odd question on here. Me: I suppose it is. Spittoon: Unless ones physical attraction is based upon politics. Spittoon: David Kurten

Me: Good evening, Getmegreen! 😾. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Getmegreen! 😾: Your mum Me: I don't think she's on the ballot. Getmegreen! 😾: Lol Getmegreen! 😾: Idek who's on this time Getmegreen! 😾: I used to go protests and shit Getmegreen! 😾: But idk now Getmegreen! 😾: After they killed jeremy corbin I lost hope in politics Getmegreen! 😾: He's one the most decent men in politics and they fucking destroyed his name Getmegreen! 😾: I'm literally fucking crying now Getmegreen! 😾: It pisses me off

Me: Good evening, freak nasty. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? freak nasty: don't care,the system is flawed regardless who wins...the entire works system freak nasty: [confusing and ominous image of what appears to be a cartoon cat next to a figure wearing a skull mask] freak nasty: that's my candidate meet "the moist" Me: Pleased to meet you, "the moist". freak nasty: the moist is for freedom before equality freak nasty: and less government Me: I don't think the moist is on the ballot. freak nasty: exactly freak nasty: the moist lives on the grid freak nasty: off the grid

Me: Good morning, sleaze the day. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? sleaze the day: Fuck I have no idea. I have only had sex with one of the candidates before. So hard to tell. Me: Juicy, sleazy the day. Which candidate? sleaze the day: Probably won't vote. Me: Was it Count Binface? sleaze the day: To be fair the gut is not standing this time. sleaze the day: The more you get to meet these guys the less impressed I am with each or any of them. sleaze the day: I would love a bloomberg type candidate who has achieved something but one with less traditional boring party lines.

Me: Good morning, FiST 👊🏻 ME. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? FiST 👊🏻 ME: I hadn't thought about voting Me: Will you abstain from voting, or have you just not considered it yet? FiST 👊🏻 ME: Hi have interest in mayors Me: You have interest in mayors? FiST 👊🏻 ME: Are you the mayor Me: I am not the mayor. FiST 👊🏻 ME: Do you like to fist prole Like me?

Lost messages: Average build bottom guy here saying hi Me: Hi, average build bottom guy. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Lost messages: I've no idea I'm a nurse and either way we're always fucked Me: Sorry to hear that, always fucked nurse guy. Lost messages: It's cool on days off so just at home Lost messages: What u got planned Me: This, mostly. Lost messages: Are u into playing with a greedy guys ass

Me: Good morning, Woodie 🍆. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Woodie 🍆: What is it to u? Woodie 🍆: Are u campaigning on Grindr? Me: I have an extremely specific fetish for London mayoral elections. Woodie 🍆: There's truly something for everyone on this wretched app Woodie 🍆: Good day

Me: Good afternoon, FeedMeDaddy 18. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? FeedMeDaddy 18: I don't know Me: Do you have any preference at this point? FeedMeDaddy 18: I haven't really looked into it Me: Thank you anyway, FeedMeDaddy 18. FeedMeDaddy 18: Why did you ask Me: I have an extremely specific fetish for London mayoral elections. FeedMeDaddy 18: What fetish FeedMeDaddy 18: What is may oral FeedMeDaddy 18: ???

Me: Good afternoon, Pirate. Who are you supporting in the forthcoming London mayoral election? Pirate: Willam Belli. Detox.... and Vikki. Me: I don't think any of them are on the ballot. Pirate: Then this country is DOOMED I tell you Pirate: Truthfully, I need to have a look Pirate: But since JC left the Labour Party I truly can't see the point in anything Me: That's understandable. Pirate: At the moment Pirate: I think Siam Berry Pirate: But I need to look at the policy of the Women's Rights Party Pirate: I might consider Mandu Reid unless they are anti trans Pirate: Well done for making me bother to find out lol Me: Glad I could help, Pirate. Thank you for your input. Pirate: Women's Equality Party look like they aren't strongly pro trans so I'll vote for the green candidate Me: Probably worth nothing that Siân Berry suggested that people who left the Labour Party after Jeremy Corbyn's suspension shouldn't join the Greens because she regards them as antisemites. Pirate: Oh you're joking Pirate: Then I'm not voting for anyone Pirate: This shit hole can burn and it won't be at my hands

 

STATISTICS:

Of the 1,059 users I questioned, 293 responses were counted. 74 of these answered with an eligible candidate. 11 of the 20 candidates on the ballot received at least 1 vote. Here are the results:

38 (51%)SADIQ KHAN (Labour)
12 (16%)SIÂN BERRY (Green)
7 (9%)NIKO OMILANA (independent)
4 (5%)SHAUN BAILEY (Conservative)
3 (4%)LUISA PORRITT (Lib Dem)
2 (3%)BRIAN ROSE (London Real)
2 (3%)COUNT BINFACE (Count Binface Party)
2 (3%)MAX FOSH (independent)
2 (3%)VALERIE BROWN (Burning Pink)
1 (1%)DAVID KURTEN (Heritage)
1 (1%)PETER GAMMONS (UKIP)
0 (0%)LAURENCE FOX (Reclaim)
0 (0%)MANDU REID (Women's Equality)
0 (0%)PIERS CORBYN (Let London Live)
0 (0%)STEVE KELLEHER (SDP)
0 (0%)VANESSA HUDSON (Animal Welfare)
0 (0%)KAM BALAYEV (Renew)
0 (0%)RICHARD HEWISON (Rejoin EU)
0 (0%)NIMS OBUNGE (independent)
0 (0%)FARAH LONDON (independent)

Incumbent mayor Sadiq Khan is comfortably re-elected, while Siân Berry, Niko Omilana, and Shaun Bailey at least clear the 5% mark required not to lose their deposits.

Ballots in London mayoral elections allow you to select a second preference candidate. I didn’t ask for second preferences, but two respondents volunteered them anyway – both of them were Luisa Porritt voters whose second preference is Sadiq Khan. As Khan already has more than 50% of Grindr’s first-round votes, second preferences would not be required here.

Some respondents also told me their least favourite candidates. Sadiq Khan is the least favourite of 8 respondents, Shaun Bailey is the least favourite of 5, and Laurence Fox and Brian Rose each the least favourite of 2.

Not counted towards the percentages are the following responses:

40Undecided
28None of the above (inc. 1 spoiled ballot)
9Not eligible to vote
142Evasive or unclear

Only 2 undecided respondents clarified who exactly they were undecided between – one couldn’t decide between Max Fosh and Niko Omilana, and one couldn’t decide between Siân Berry and Sadiq Khan. They were not counted in the results for any of those candidates.

Evasive or unclear responses can be roughly divided into the following categories:

20None of your business
14What the fuck?
14Non sequitur/incomprehensible
13Vague/cryptic
11This is not the place for that
11Too horny to engage politically
10Miscellaneous evasion
10Joke answers (e.g. Baby Yoda, Margaret Rutherford, Brian Paddick etc)
9Why?
9What about you?
8That's an unusual chat-up line
7Fuck off, fuck you, shut the fuck up etc
6Who cares?

 

This is one of three polls conducted in the run-up to the elections of May 6 2021. The other two are:

Scottish Grindr users on the 2021 Holyrood election

On 6 May 2021, the Scottish Parliament will hold its sixth election. I’ve previously polled Scottish Grindr users on independence in 2014, Brexit in 2016, the European election of 2019, and the general elections of 2015, 2017, and 2019. (I also conducted polls for those elections in Wales, London, and London, respectively, plus 2 polls in the United States for their 2016 and 2020 presidential elections.) This time, I asked 992 Grindr users across Scotland who they’re electing to Holyrood.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, Throat f**k me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Throat f**k me: Excuse me?

Me: Good morning, Glory H. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Glory H: SNP hen

Me: Good afternoon, No snowflakes x. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? No snowflakes x: Tories

Me: Good evening, Degrade me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Degrade me: Lib Dem's

Me: Good afternoon, WorshipMe. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? WorshipMe: The only party anyone should vote for WorshipMe: Alba WorshipMe: Jk of course WorshipMe: SNP all the way

Me: Good morning, James Glasgow. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? James Glasgow: Wat. I'm here for cock not fannies

Me: Good evening, Andrew. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Andrew: SNP/Green, boyo :P Andrew: Let me know if there are any cute Tories so I can avoid them

Me: Good afternoon, Dark Paradise. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Dark Paradise: Um Dark Paradise: What do u suggest? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Dark Paradise: See when i finish my exams im gonna start searching it Dark Paradise: Like snp and conservatives are good Dark Paradise: I think Scotland should start like work together with England Dark Paradise: So it gathers power after the pandemic

Me: Good morning, Bi & horny. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Bi & horny: None cuz their all lying scum bags and most of them are dirty pedos

Me: Good evening, 9 inches. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 9 inches: Ehhh what you on about? Me: I'm on about the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election. 9 inches: And what would I care about the Scottish parliament and want to talk about on a gay fuck-me app. I think you need better chat up lines mate

Me: Good morning, doocateh. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? doocateh: That's a very strange question for this kind of site and I would rather keep my views to myself tbh all I'm looking for is COCK and some fun not to say what party I am voting for

Me: Good morning, Bi Ginger Guy. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Bi Ginger Guy: I've found it best to avoid politics on grindr over the years. Otherwise it just ends up causing a stooshie Me: Thank you anyway, Bi Ginger Guy. Bi Ginger Guy: No worries man. It's definitely better than everyone asking to fuck or about how gingers apparently have big *****. Bi Ginger Guy: Which gets annoying

Me: Good afternoon, AzzRealSub. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? AzzRealSub: What the fuck AzzRealSub: 1) none of your business 2) this isn't the place for canvassing 3) spam not welcome 4) reported

Me: Good evening, 10" Dom Top. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 10" Dom Top: Honestly, with the current state of political discourse, is there a party worth supporting? An SNP intend on destroying freedom, and rampantly corrupt and inept. A Tory party that is led by a puppet. A Labour Party that doesn't know why it exists. A Green Party that shelters the most heinous and bizarre weirdos and the Liberal Democrat's who are just illiberal and undemocratic. No, thanks.

Me: Good morning, High AF man. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? High AF man: Piss off Me: Thank you anyway, High AF man. High AF man: Anytime. Show me ur cock il tel lye

Me: Good evening, Saryn Prime. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Saryn Prime: Hey! I vote green. Im all for legalisation of cannabis especially for medicinal purposes and for sex workers to be fully supported and try to reduce the stigma around it. Saryn Prime: Plus, theres no fucking way im voting Tory. But if it wasnt green, probably snp/labour Saryn Prime: I'm not Scottish, but i absolutely agree england is fucking shit and scotland should have the ability to be their own country. Especially if theres a chance of joing the EU

Me: Good afternoon, Snap Fun?. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Snap Fun?: SNP I guess Snap Fun?: Maybe alba for second vote Snap Fun?: Definitely not lib Dems, Tory or labour. Snap Fun?: Yeah most likely SNP/Alba Do you need any more? What about you? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Snap Fun?. Snap Fun?: I don't think this is a good place to get info Snap Fun?: I've found a lot of gay men are Tories. Snap Fun?: You may get skewed data Snap Fun?: You should break it down to the main issues and see what parties side with your views. Don't let anyone else influence your vote Snap Fun?: Independence yes or no Covid recovery views How important green issues are to you What you think needs done with education and health Policing issues Equality Ignore the following topics as they have nothing to do with the Scottish elections despite the fact some people will talk about them. Immigration Brexit Trade Foreign relations Drug policy Snap Fun?: Oh one more thing. You absolutely do not have to vote for the same party on both ballots. They will of course tell you to, but you don't need to. It's entirely your choice. In general the first vote is more directly reflecting on who you want to represent you. The second vote, often call the list vote, usually supports smaller or weaker parties.

Me: Good evening, Footfetish 🧦👣. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Footfetish 🧦👣: Dunno Me: Do you have any preference at this stage? Footfetish 🧦👣: Nope Me: Thank you anyway, Footfetish 🧦👣. Footfetish 🧦👣: Thanks u got smelly feet

Me: Good evening, want my h0le. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? want my h0le: shut the fuck up dobber Me: Thank you anyway, want my h0le. want my h0le: naw

Me: Good morning, Top 4 Fun. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Top 4 Fun: Tricky question, SNP for independence, Libdems for sense, Labour for Soul, Tories for dosh,Alex for er Alex,Green for the world. Lol Prob SNP,u? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Top 4 Fun. Top 4 Fun: SNP mucked it up with the Salmond case. And a referendum is not what we need right now. But why shouldn't we make a go of it .We would be OK but not with stupid socialist ideas, we need to be financially astute.

Me: Good afternoon, Isolation chat. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Isolation chat: Why do you ask, side hustle in canvassing? Me: Well, nobody pays me. Isolation chat: Fair. I'm strongly left of centre, traditionally a labour voter, though I have voted LibDem (I had hoped the 2010 coalition would've brought voting reform, which I think is badly needed) I like a lot of the SNP progressive policies, and completely understand why many Scots would like to leave the uk, probably for the same reason I'd like Scotland to stay - to stop England slipping further Hard Isolation chat: Right and to push for going reform and greater devolution of power from London

Me: Good evening, Horny in dale. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Horny in dale: Well as a SNP member for years you decide Me: Thank you for your input, Horny in dale. Horny in dale: Let me suck your dick Horny in dale: No??? Me: Not right now, Mr dale, but thank you anyway. Horny in dale: Nah coz yer a arsehole Horny in dale: So which party are you supporting in the forthcoming elections Me: I am undecided, Horny. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Horny in dale: SNP, all the way any other party is treacherous against your country

Me: Good morning, X gets you hard. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? X gets you hard: Any one except the SNP X gets you hard: [photo of his dick that I've censored] X gets you hard: [photo of his dick that I've censored] Me: Do you have any particular non-SNP parties in mind? X gets you hard: Conservative

Me: Good evening, 8" Forfar. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 8" Forfar: Fucks it to u Me: I have an insatiable parliamentary politics fetish. 8" Forfar: Strange cunt

Me: Good morning, 7 day load 💦. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 7 day load 💦: The Cum Party Me: Are they on the ballot? 7 day load 💦: Fucking hope so Me: Thank you for your input, 7 day load 💦. 7 day load 💦: Actually 8 today

Me: Good evening, D. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? D: I haven't decided yet. Me: Do you have any preference at this stage? D: Lib Dem's or SNP maybe D: Defo not tori Me: [photo of Tori Amos holding a shotgun] D: ? Me: That's the singer-songwriter Tori Amos. D: Ok?

Me: Good evening, Sound Lad chill. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Sound Lad chill: None Sound Lad chill: Its all bull shit Me: Thank you anyway, Sound Lad chill. Sound Lad chill: Fuck off you derranged inhumae piece of garbage

Me: Good evening, Motorhead. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Motorhead: Yass I've been poled, ehhhh Scottish Family Party. Motorhead: Nah wait Greens Oh noooooo Motorhead: Misplaced my X 😛 Me: Sorry, Motorhead, your vote for the Scottish Family Party is fixed and immutable. Motorhead: Ahhh fuck. 😆 Guess I better go marry someone like the party demands. Stable Family Life benefits everybody 👍

Me: Good evening, Lost & Found. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Lost & Found: That's for me to know and you to guess Me: Scottish Family Party? Lost & Found: Never heard of them! Me: Animal Welfare Party? Lost & Found: Them as well Lost & Found: You're making these up Me: Abolish the Scottish Parliament Party? Lost & Found: That is made up Me: Communist Party of Britain? Lost & Found: This has already gone on too long

Me: Good morning, its a crotch. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? its a crotch: Well it won't be SNP,or Green,or Libdems, or Alba,unless people support abusers getting away with abuse,so that reduces it somewhat I feel. Me: That reduces it to Conservatives, Labour, Reform UK, UKIP, Libertarian, All for Unity, Abolish the Scottish Parliament, Libertarian, Family, Freedom Alliance, TUSC, Restore Scotland, Scotia Future, Communist, Reclaim, Vanguard, Independence Green Voice, Renew, SDP, Women's Equality, and Animal Welfare. its a crotch: Well will sell my vote like last time to highest offer.Thet are all bent and crooked,but pay cash for no questions asked.

Me: Good evening, horny af now!!!. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? horny af now!!!: 🔵 Me: Conservatives, Alba, Reform UK, All for Unity, and the Abolish the Scottish Parliament party are all represented by the colour blue. Me: Does your blue orb signify any of these? horny af now!!!: 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧 Me: Conservatives, Reform UK, All for Unity, and the Abolish the Scottish Parliament party are all unionist parties represented by the colour blue. Me: Does the combination of a blue orb and several Union Jacks signify any of these? horny af now!!!: This is a strange place to carryout such a poll. Is it not? Me: Yes. horny af now!!!: Clearly an SNP tactic

Me: Good morning, Kinning Park. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Kinning Park: Scottish Conservative....cos I enjoy getting fucked! Me: Sound reasoning, Kinning Park. Thank you for your input. Kinning Park: What about you? Me: I'm undecided, Mr Park. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Kinning Park: Vote Green it's nice, shows you care and nobody will argue with you! Kinning Park: Labour,cos your dad voted Labour Kinning Park: SNP because you don't care if Independence makes us even more skint, cos you're already on your arse. Kinning Park: Lib-Dem cos you're a "Gay" Kinning Park: They all promise the same anyway! Me: I think I'll vote Communist. Kinning Park: Yeah, that works well in China, only country with jobs & money...although it's not the folk working that gets the money! Kinning Park: You look like a bottom, vote Tory!! You know it makes sense!!

 

STATISTICS:

Of the 992 users I managed to question before I gave up evading my Grindr bans, 380 responses were counted. 160 of these users answered with parties (not including joke answers like “The Sex Party” and “The Naked Party”).

Voters in Scottish Parliament elections get two votes – one vote to elect an MSP in their constituency using first-past-the-post, and one vote to elect additional MSPs from broader regional lists using proportional representation. In order not to overly harass users for specific details of their votes, I made the following assumptions: that anyone who replied with only one party was supporting them in both the constituency and list vote, and that anyone who replied with two parties without clarifying which was their constituency vote and which was their list vote was naming them in sequential order – the first being their first vote (i.e. their constituency vote), and the second being their second vote (i.e. their list vote).

This is every combination of parties I received:

34.4% (55)Both votes SNP
16.9% (27)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Green
12.5% (20)Both votes Green
12.5% (20)Both votes Conservative
5.0% (8)Both votes Labour
1.9% (3)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Labour
1.9% (3)1st vote Green, 2nd vote SNP
1.9% (3)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Conservative
1.9% (3)No 1st vote, 2nd vote Green
1.3% (2)Both votes Liberal Democrat
1.3% (2)Both votes Alba*
1.3% (2)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Liberal Democrat
0.6% (1)Both votes Libertarian
0.6% (1)Both votes Monster Raving Loony*
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Conservative
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Liberal Democrat
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Alba
0.6% (1)1st vote Green, 2nd vote Labour
0.6% (1)1st vote Green, 2nd vote Communist
0.6% (1)1st vote Conservative, 2nd vote Labour
0.6% (1)1st vote Conservative, 2nd vote UKIP
0.6% (1)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Green
0.6% (1)1st vote Labour, no 2nd vote
0.6% (1)1st vote Liberal Democrat, 2nd vote Conservative

*Neither of these votes is possible – the Alba Party is not standing in any constituencies, and the Monster Raving Loony Party is not contesting this election at all.

Here are the constituency votes on their own:

56.1% (88)SNP
15.9% (25)Green
14.0% (22)Conservative
9.6% (15)Labour
1.9% (3)Liberal Democrat
1.3% (2)Alba
0.6% (1)Libertarian
0.6% (1)Monster Raving Loony

And here are the list votes on their own:

36.5% (58)SNP
32.1% (51)Green
15.7% (25)Conservative
8.2% (13)Labour
3.1% (5)Liberal Democrat
1.9% (3)Alba
0.6% (1)Libertarian
0.6% (1)Monster Raving Loony
0.6% (1)Communist
0.6% (1)UKIP

Additionally, I kept count of unprompted negative mentions of parties (“definitely not SNP”, “fuck the tories” etc):

13SNP
8Conservative
6Alba
5Green
5Scottish Family
4Labour
4Liberal Democrat
1Reform UK

(3 negative mentions of the SNP, and 1 of Labour, came from users who claimed to be disenchanted former voters.)

Not counted towards the percentages are the following responses:

23Undecided
22None of the above
9Not eligible to vote
166Evasive or unclear

And evasive or unclear responses can be roughly divided into the following categories:

32Miscellaneous evasion
30None of your business
25General incredulity
19Too horny to engage politically
16Vague/cryptic
14Non sequitur/incomprehensible
13Fuck off, fuck you, shut the fuck up etc
9Just not interested
8Unambiguously sarcastic answers

 

This is one of three polls conducted in the run-up to the elections of May 6 2021. The other two are:

All 46 United States presidents with their dicks out

1. George Washington

2. John Adams

3. Thomas Jefferson

4. James Madison

5. James Monroe

6. John Quincy Adams

7. Andrew Jackson

8. Martin Van Buren

9. William Henry Harrison

10. John Tyler

11. James K. Polk

12. Zachary Taylor

13. Millard Fillmore

14. Franklin Pierce

15. James Buchanan

16. Abraham Lincoln

17. Andrew Johnson

18. Ulysses S. Grant

19. Rutherford B. Hayes

20. James A. Garfield

21. Chester A. Arthur

22. Grover Cleveland

23. Benjamin Harrison

24. Grover Cleveland

25. William McKinley

26. Theodore Roosevelt

27. William Howard Taft

28. Woodrow Wilson

29. Warren G. Harding

30. Calvin Coolidge

31. Herbert Hoover

32. Franklin D. Roosevelt

33. Harry S. Truman

34. Dwight D. Eisenhower

35. John F. Kennedy

36. Lyndon B. Johnson

37. Richard Nixon

38. Gerald Ford

39. Jimmy Carter

40. Ronald Reagan

41. George H. W. Bush

42. Bill Clinton

43. George W. Bush

44. Barack Obama

45. Donald Trump

46. Joe Biden

Grindr users on the 2020 US election

The United States is about to hold its 59th presidential election. 4 years ago, I polled Grindr users for the 2016 US election, and have also done several Grindr polls in the UK (the 2019 general election in London and Scotland, the 2017 election in London and Scotland, the 2015 election in Scotland and Wales, the 2019 European election, and the referendums on Brexit and Scottish independence). This time, I asked exactly 2,000 Grindr users across the United States who they think should be leading their country.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, Hung Geek. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Hung Geek: Biden. Fuck Trump

Me: Good morning, QANON!. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
QANON!: Trump. Fuck biden

Me: Good evening, SwallowingKidz. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
SwallowingKidz: Kind of personal don't you think

Me: Good evening, luk 4 blk trunk. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
luk 4 blk trunk: Trump

Me: Good evening, IDrainnutsaks. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
IDrainnutsaks: It damn sure want be Trump!!!

Me: Good evening, Pu**y Breeder. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Pu**y Breeder: Biden. Trump should be assassinated.

Me: Good evening, BLACK KENDOLL. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
BLACK KENDOLL: Neigher cuz i dont like eighter one of the MUTHAFUCKERS if u ask me
Me: Are you considering a third-party candidate?
BLACK KENDOLL: Bitch no
BLACK KENDOLL: Dont text me no fuckin more

Me: Good afternoon, SouthernGent. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
SouthernGent: Trump baby. All the way.
Me: Thank you for your input, SouthernGent.
SouthernGent: Gonna be a landslide. The polls are all fucked up, just like last time

Me: Good evening, PowerBottom. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
PowerBottom: my business
Me: Thank you anyway, PowerBottom.
PowerBottom: you are not welcome  at all
PowerBottom: the fuck is wrong with you? who the hell are you?
PowerBottom: fucking asking me who i am voting  for

Me: Good evening, BroFeetonMyFace. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
BroFeetonMyFace: If I tell you will u step on my face

Me: Good evening, Mainebeachbud. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Mainebeachbud: Collins
Me: Maine senator Susan Collins, or Prohibition Party leader Phil Collins?
Mainebeachbud: What are you here for.? Who is vote for us my business. This approach on a hook up site is too strange for me to be interested

Me: Good evening, The Mastermind. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
The Mastermind: Me or both. Me. The universe is us all even while the universe is unable to be us all or the universe is us all. Joe Biden is the universe. Trump is the universe. They are both the universe. They are (to some sense) the same. As a fact, they are both the same. I either support them both or support neither.

Me: Good afternoon, I Love BBC. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
I Love BBC: A big black thug with a 12 inches long bbc who likes to use white boys and make them worship his bbc in public

Me: Good evening, S3X P4R7Y. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
S3X P4R7Y: Lol really
S3X P4R7Y: Barack Obama
Me: Is he still on the ballot?
S3X P4R7Y: To be honest I don't know and I'm really not on this app to talk about politics butp to get my dick sucked or fuck something but if you're not trying to talk about politics I'm not your guy and I'm high in this is blowing my high

Me: Good evening, bachatero. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
bachatero: Sorry I'm no here for political im here just looking to get fucket
bachatero: You are in the rong app
Me: Thank you anyway, bachatero.
bachatero: Ok
bachatero: you top??

Me: Good evening, Hellbait. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Hellbait: Reluctantly Biden
Hellbait: He's not nearly progressive enough buy at this point I'd vote for a literal dog turd over Komrade45

Me: Good morning, SoUtDawgsMm4m. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
SoUtDawgsMm4m: I'm a Log Cabin Republican, do you know what that is? I'm a 55yo/white/LDS/Gay/Male/born/raised/lived until 2007 moved to South Utah with my life partner. I served 1984-1988 USAF Security Police Specialist, life member NRA, gun safety instructor, youth firearms instructor. GunRangeMaster. I will defend the United States Constitution, against ALL ENEMIES foreign and domestic. The best way to put it
Me: Thank you for your input, SoUtDawgsMm4m.
SoUtDawgsMm4m: The Democratic Party is an instrument of the Chinese communist party which we have been at war with since the beginning of the Korean War, think about it, Cease Fire means stopping Shooting at the opposing forces AKA we are at war wth North ,,'l

Me: Good evening, bamchickawamwam. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
bamchickawamwam: My cock
bamchickawamwam: Rock hard
Me: Does it have ballot access?
bamchickawamwam: Bend over let's find out

Me: Good evening, Just turned 18. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Just turned 18: I'll give you hints

I'm a real patriot

I respect the Bible

I respect our country and it's borders

I don't like Fake news

I don't support BLM or Antifa but I support black people and All lives matter

I'm pro life and Abortion is murder

I'm against perophiles and people who support them

Setting people and businesses on fire is not a protest it's riot
Anymore?



Just turned 18: Also
Ignorance doesn't discriminate is my favorite saying

Me: Good evening, ACAB/BLM. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
ACAB/BLM: Certainly not the cheeto
Me: Do you favour any particular non-cheeto candidate?
ACAB/BLM: I'm voting for Biden. It's the option we have and I'm not here to debate it. Change has to start somewhere. Even if it's not our ideal choice.

Me: Good evening, CHUBBOTTOMZONLY. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
CHUBBOTTOMZONLY: Lol you if your ass is fat
Me: I'm not on the ballot, CHUBBOTTOMZONLY. Which candidate do you believe has the fattest ass?
CHUBBOTTOMZONLY: Trump😏
Me: Does his fat ass have your support?
CHUBBOTTOMZONLY: Not unless it makes me cum
CHUBBOTTOMZONLY: And it has yet 2 do so

Me: Good evening, I'm voting Red.. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
I'm voting Red.: None of your fucking business
Me: Thank you anyway, I'm voting Red..
I'm voting Red.: That's not my name, you fucking incel.

Me: Good evening, 👀for edibles. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
👀foredibles: Lol I actually do like that question. Im not evil so biden
Me: Thank you for your input, 👀for edibles.
👀for edibles: Yea I am
👀for edibles: What do you have and price

Me: Good evening, BIDEN2020 VOTA. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
BIDEN2020 VOTA: Qué crees???
Translation: What do you think??
BIDEN2020 VOTA: Por quién podría votar un Gay, que no sea por alguien que respete a todos por igual y que le interesen los valores de América, no los del y su Partido.
Translation: Who a Gay could vote for, other than someone who respects everyone equally and who cares about America's values, not those of the Party.

Me: Good morning, SuckUrYummyD. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
SuckUrYummyD: Trump 2020 make America Great again.
SuckUrYummyD: Don't hate educate
SuckUrYummyD: 👍
Me: Thank you for your input, SuckUrYummyD.
SuckUrYummyD: If you don't know why I suggest lookin into the history of other countries such as Mexico who is paying for the wall to be built.
SuckUrYummyD: How the Mexican President now Amlo got into power with a unanimous vote from all the people. Kicking out the corrupts and finding the other end of Hilary Clinton's Emails she had deleted which was found on the previous corrupts servers in Mexico. How Hunter Biden being linked and confirmed into corruption with Joe Biden and his family.
SuckUrYummyD: You welcome for my input..

flying k: Sup
Me: Sup, flying j. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
flying j: I dknt vote
flying j: I do drugs on.my time off

Ricky: How are you today🤔🤔🤔🤔
Me: I am adequate, Ricky. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Ricky:  Hahaha jo jorgensen of courseeeeee
Ricky: And you ?
Me: As a tourist, I have no say in the matter either way.
Me: Thank you for your input, Ricky.
Ricky: Oh tourist???
Ricky: I see why u don't answer me??
Ricky: Maybe you really antefa extreme terrorist, looking of people voting for trump so you can start arguing
Ricky: We truth be told I am Liberterian, though on this election I must turn my back on jo  Jorgensen and must vote for trump as we need every inch of votes to keep that tyrant Biden and Harris whole wants to finally finish usa as little of it is left from our founding fathers, I know if Biden cheats and gets his way with this lying illegally set up for manipulation mail in votes to tamper with to get
Ricky: Extremist anti freedom anti constitutional fashist communists antefa to destroy usa
Ricky: I know if he gets in USA will have a civil war cause there infringements of our soveregn constitution

Me: Good evening, Roman. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Roman: The two party system is a broken system that doesn't deserve my attention. Radical vigilantes on either side ruin the american lives now and for generations to come. Pushing your two party system on me is as useless as tits on a boar hog
Me: Are you supporting a third-party candidate?
Roman: If I had to vote I would support Jo, unfortunately she will never win since America's impudence pertaining it's red vs blue war is postered up as propaganda everywhere.

Me: Good evening, Toilet. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Toilet: I think they both stink. Neither one would do a good job.
Me: Are you considering a third-party candidate?
Toilet: I can't vote.
Me: Thank you anyway, Toilet.
Toilet: Would you like to pee on me?

Me: Good evening, sad boi. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
sad boi: Neither
sad boi: Anarchy all day
Me: Thank you anyway, sad boi.
sad boi: I keep seeing these "trump may win but eventually his presidency will end and everyone who sided with him will forever be equated with hate and intolerance forever as an effect but it goes both ways even if he loses the gaping hole of hated he opened in this country won't be sutured shut either way we're gonna watch the country burn.

Me: Good afternoon, AbuseMyThroat!!. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
AbuseMyThroat!!: The BDP
AbuseMyThroat!!: Big dick party
Me: Do they have ballot access?
AbuseMyThroat!!: Dude shut up

Me: Good evening, BlackStarOmen. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
BlackStarOmen: I'm supporting the idea of you shutting the fuck up
Me: Is that an option on the ballot?
BlackStarOmen: On my ballot
Me: Thank you anyway, BlackStarOmen.
BlackStarOmen: Fuck off

To poll the country proportionately, in each state I questioned people until the number of responses I received was equivalent to that state’s number of presidential electors – from 55 for California to 3 for Delaware, Vermont, Alaska etc. (As I usually continued to receive replies after I finished polling, the number of responses for each state is usually higher.)

This is a state-by-state breakdown of the vote.

CALIFORNIA (198 polled, 60 responses)

17

Joe Biden

5Donald Trump
4Kanye West
2Mickey Mouse
1Hillary Clinton
1Marianne Williamson
1Queen Elizabeth II
1Me
3None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
24Evasive or unclear
138Did not respond

TEXAS (153 polled, 43 responses)

12

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1Barack Obama
1Miss Piggy
1"Yo mama"
1Me
5None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
20Evasive or unclear
111Did not respond

FLORIDA (116 polled, 30 responses)

11

Joe Biden

4Donald Trump
3Kanye West
1Me
1Undecided
1None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
8Evasive or unclear
86Did not respond

NEW YORK (117 polled, 32 responses)

16

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1Undecided
1None of the above
3Not eligible to vote
10Evasive or unclear
85Did not respond

ILLINOIS (86 polled, 25 responses)

9

Joe Biden

2Donald Trump
1Jo Jorgensen
1Kanye West
1Karina Villa
1Undecided
2None of the above
2Not eligible to vote
6Evasive or unclear
61Did not respond

PENNSYLVANIA (73 polled, 23 responses)

8

Joe Biden

2Donald Trump
2Jo Jorgensen
3None of the above
8Evasive or unclear
50Did not respond

OHIO (90 polled, 23 responses)

5

Joe Biden

3Donald Trump
1Jo Jorgensen
1Bernie Sanders
1Alicia Keys
1"Myself"
1Undecided
1None of the above
9Evasive or unclear
67Did not respond

GEORGIA (48 polled, 18 responses)

4

Joe Biden

2Donald Trump
1Kanye West
1"My dick"
2None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
7Evasive or unclear
30Did not respond

MICHIGAN (53 polled, 20 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1Jo Jorgensen
1Kanye West
1Barack Obama
1"Myself"
1Undecided
3None of the above
9Evasive or unclear
33Did not respond

NORTH CAROLINA (47 polled, 19 responses)

5

Joe Biden

4Donald Trump
1"Big Dick Party"
1None of the above
8Evasive or unclear
28Did not respond

NEW JERSEY (47 polled, 17 responses)

4

Joe Biden

4

Donald Trump

1Mephistopheles
1Undecided
2None of the above
5Evasive or unclear
30Did not respond

VIRGINIA (30 polled, 16 responses)

5

Joe Biden

2Donald Trump
1"My dildo"
1Not eligible to vote
7Evasive or unclear
14Did not respond

WASHINGTON (41 polled, 12 responses)

3

Joe Biden

3

Donald Trump

1Cthulhu
1"Your mom"
4Evasive or unclear
29Did not respond

ARIZONA (37 polled, 12 responses)

6

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1"Yo momma"
1None of the above
3Evasive or unclear
25Did not respond

INDIANA (48 polled, 12 responses)

5

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1Kanye West
1Me
3None of the above
1Evasive or unclear
36Did not respond

MASSCHUSETTS (48 polled, 18 responses)

5

Joe Biden

3Donald Trump
1Sméagol
2Undecided
8Evasive or unclear
30Did not respond

TENNESSEE (28 polled, 11 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Jo Jorgensen
1Kanye West
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
1Not eligible to vote
5Evasive or unclear
17Did not respond

MARYLAND (37 polled, 11 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Hillary Clinton
0Donald Trump
7Evasive or unclear
26Did not respond

MINNESOTA (33 polled, 11 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Attila the Hun
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
1None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
5Evasive or unclear
22Did not respond

MISSOURI (19 polled, 10 responses)

3

Joe Biden

2Donald Trump
1Not eligible to vote
4Evasive or unclear
9Did not respond

WISCONSIN (47 polled, 14 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
2None of the above
8Evasive or unclear
33Did not respond

ALABAMA (26 polled, 12 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Barack Obama
1Roger Rabbit
1"My cock"
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
2None of the above
4Evasive or unclear
14Did not respond

COLORADO (41 polled, 13 responses)

3

Joe Biden

2Kanye West
1"A big black thug with a 12 inches long bbc who likes to use white boys and make them worship his bbc in public"
0Donald Trump
3None of the above
4Evasive or unclear
28Did not respond

SOUTH CAROLINA (43 polled, 14 responses)

2

Donald Trump

1Joe Biden
1Joe Exotic
1"Myself"
3None of the above
6Evasive or unclear
29Did not respond

KENTUCKY (36 polled, 9 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Kanye West
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
4Evasive or unclear
27Did not respond

LOUISIANA (21 polled, 11 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Barack Obama
0Donald Trump
1None of the above
7Evasive or unclear
10Did not respond

CONNECTICUT (33 polled, 10 responses)

3

Donald Trump

0Joe Biden
2Not eligible to vote
6Evasive or unclear
23Did not respond

OKLAHOMA (20 polled, 10 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1"Myself"
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
1None of the above
5Evasive or unclear
10Did not respond

OREGON (25 polled, 8 responses)

3

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1None of the above
1Evasive or unclear
17Did not respond

ARKANSAS (29 polled, 7 responses)

4

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
1Not eligible to vote
2Evasive or unclear
22Did not respond

IOWA (13 polled, 6 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
1Undecided
2Evasive or unclear
7Did not respond

KANSAS (21 polled, 6 responses)

2

Donald Trump

1Ronald McDonald
0Joe Biden
3Evasive or unclear
15Did not respond

MISSISSIPPI (23 polled, 8 responses)

2

Donald Trump

0Joe Biden
4None of the above
2Evasive or unclear
16Did not respond

NEVADA (28 polled, 6 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1"Your mom"
0Donald Trump
1None of the above
2Evasive or unclear
22Did not respond

UTAH (21 polled, 7 responses)

1

Donald Trump

1

Charli XCX

0Joe Biden
1Not eligible to vote
5Evasive or unclear
14Did not respond

NEBRASKA (29 polled, 5 responses)

1

Donald Trump

0Joe Biden
1Undecided
1None of the above
2Evasive or unclear
24Did not respond

NEW MEXICO (19 polled, 6 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Alfred E. Neuman
0Donald Trump
1None of the above
3Evasive or unclear
13Did not respond

WEST VIRGINIA (22 polled, 6 responses)

1

Joe Biden

1

"This guy", followed by a dick pic

0Donald Trump
1None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
2Evasive or unclear
16Did not respond

HAWAII (13 polled, 5 responses)

1

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
1None of the above
3Evasive or unclear
8Did not respond

IDAHO (9 polled, 4 responses)

1

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
1Not eligible to vote
2Evasive or unclear
5Did not respond

MAINE (6 polled, 4 responses)

1

Joe Biden

1

Jo Jorgensen

1

(Susan?) Collins

0Donald Trump
1Evasive or unclear
2Did not respond

NEW HAMPSHIRE (13 polled, 6 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1Donald Trump
2None of the above
1Evasive or unclear
7Did not respond

RHODE ISLAND (17 polled, 7 responses)

2

Joe Biden

1"My dick"
0Donald Trump
1Undecided
3Evasive or unclear
10Did not respond

ALASKA (7 polled, 4 responses)

1

Joe Biden

1

Donald Trump

1None of the above
1Evasive or unclear
3Did not respond

D.C. (19 polled, 6 responses)

3

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
3Evasive or unclear
13Did not respond

DELAWARE (11 polled, 5 responses)

3

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
2Evasive or unclear
6Did not respond

MONTANA (12 polled, 4 responses)

1

Joe Biden

1

Abraham Lincoln

0Donald Trump
2Evasive or unclear
8Did not respond

NORTH DAKOTA (8 polled, 4 responses)

0 respondents picked a candidate.

0Joe Biden
0Donald Trump
1None of the above
1Not eligible to vote
2Evasive or unclear
4Did not respond

SOUTH DAKOTA (16 polled, 3 responses)

1

Donald Trump

0Joe Biden
2Evasive or unclear
13Did not respond

VERMONT (10 polled, 6 responses)

4

Joe Biden

0Donald Trump
1None of the above
1Evasive or unclear
4Did not respond

WYOMING (13 polled, 3 responses)

1

Joe Biden

1

Donald Trump

1Evasive or unclear
10Did not respond

Overall US-wide Grindr popular vote:

57.6% (179)

Joe Biden

21.9% (68)Donald Trump
4.8% (15)Kanye West
2.3% (7)Jo Jorgensen
1.3% (4)Me
1.3% (4)Barack Obama
1.3% (4)"Yo mama"/"Yo momma"/"Your mom"
0.6% (2)Mickey Mouse
0.3% (1)Hillary Clinton
0.3% (1)Bernie Sanders
0.3% (1)Marianne Williamson
0.3% (1)Karina Villa
0.3% (1)(Susan?) Collins
0.3% (1)Abraham Lincoln
0.3% (1)Queen Elizabeth II
0.3% (1)Attila the Hun
0.3% (1)Alfred E. Neuman
0.3% (1)Mephistopheles
0.3% (1)Cthulhu
0.3% (1)Sméagol
0.3% (1)Charli XCX
0.3% (1)Alicia Keys
0.3% (1)Joe Exotic
0.3% (1)Roger Rabbit
0.3% (1)Ronald McDonald
0.3% (1)Miss Piggy
0.3% (1)"My dildo"
0.3% (1)"Big Dick Party"
0.3% (1)"A big black thug with a 12 inches long bbc who" etc etc
1.3% (1x4)Themselves
1.3% (1x4)Their dicks

(There were no votes for Howie Hawkins of the Green Party.)

Not counted towards the percentages are the following responses:

16Undecided
55None of the above
21Not eligible to vote
255Evasive or unclear

Evasive or unclear responses can be roughly divided into the following categories:

50None of my business
34Too horny to engage politically
32Non sequitur/incomprehensible
32General incredulity
27Who cares
26Miscellaneous evasion
19Cryptic/vague
12"Not Trump" (but declined to commit to another candidate)
11Acted like it was obvious but didn't actually answer

This is the number of states candidates win when only Grindr votes.

Joe Biden: 43 (7 as part of a tie)
Donald Trump: 11 (5 as part of a tie)
Jo Jorgensen: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
(Susan?) Collins: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Abraham Lincoln: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Charli XCX: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
A penis: 1 (1 as part of a tie)

In the electoral college, this should translate into the following numbers of electoral votes. In the case of ties, I’ve divided electors evenly between candidates.

Joe Biden: 470.3
Donald Trump: 61
Charli XCX: 3
A penis: 2.5
Abraham Lincoln: 1.5
Jo Jorgensen: 1.3
(Susan?) Collins: 1.3

Finally, here is the electoral map, according to Grindr.

Grindr’s ridin’ with Biden.

London Grindr users on the 2019 general election

On 12 December 2019, the United Kingdom will elect its 58th Parliament. I’ve previously polled Grindr users on the 2017 election, in London and Scotland, and the 2015 election, in Scotland and Wales, as well as on Brexitthis year’s European electionScottish independence, and the 2016 US election. This time, I asked 788 Grindr users in and around London who they’re supporting in this year’s general election.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Identifiable faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, votelabour 💋. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
votelabour 💋: Um

Me: Good evening, Humiliate me. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Humiliate me: Tory Sir

Me: Good evening, Crossdresser. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Crossdresser: Farage

Me: Good evening, Hung n Filthy. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Hung n Filthy: Bollocks to that

Me: Good evening, 👀 4 calm ppl. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
👀 4 calm ppl: Yo bro
👀 4 calm ppl: Labour init
Me: Thank you for your input, 👀 4 calm ppl.
👀 4 calm ppl: Ur welcome g

Me: Good evening, Dry Humping. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Dry Humping: Good evening. Labour I think.
Me: Thank you for your input, Dry Humping.
Dry Humping: No worries ????

Me: Good afternoon, 9 inc obey. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
9 inc obey: Fuck off

Me: Good evening, 11donkeygodeep. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
11donkeygodeep: If u nice I support  the party u like

Me: Good evening, fart eater👟😏. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
fart eater👟😏: Lol
fart eater👟😏: Political campaigning at 1am on Grindr, this has gotten desperate!

Me: Good evening, Lust filled. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Lust filled: Either green or labour
Me: Do you have any preference between those two parties?
Lust filled: I think green because they care about the environment and they will end Brexit
Lust filled: But labour sound too good to be true in my opinion

Me: Good evening, ASS LICKER. 👅. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
ASS LICKER. 👅: Labour or Lib Dems
Me: Do you have any preference between those two parties?
ASS LICKER. 👅: I wanna remain, fuck Brexit
ASS LICKER. 👅: But then again Labour and Conservative are the biggest parties
ASS LICKER. 👅: So I'm like, am I wasting a vote if I vote Lib dems
ASS LICKER. 👅: You get me!? Xo

Me: Good evening, masageneeded. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
masageneeded: None
Me: Thank you anyway, masageneeded.
masageneeded: Want to suck my dick

Me: Good afternoon, Lkng4ASexFriend. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Lkng4ASexFriend: Politics???
Me: Yes.
Lkng4ASexFriend: Errmm
Lkng4ASexFriend: Don't usually discuss politics
Lkng4ASexFriend: Needless to say I'll be voting

Me: Good afternoon, DOMINANT TOP. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
DOMINANT TOP: Afternoon bitch ..
labour bitch ..
Me: Thank you for your input, DOMINANT TOP.
DOMINANT TOP: Ur most welcome bitch

Me: Good evening, M&F. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
M&F: Was gonna vote labour but corbyn is a twat
Me: And who have you turned to instead?
M&F: Boris

Me: Good evening, Date'able Top. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Date'able Top: Unfortunately, as one of the dirty foreigners here to steal jobs and women, I'm not allowed to vote. But if I could, I'd vote LibDem...I'm sympathetic to much of Labour's goals, but despair at its leadership'.

Me: Good afternoon, Standard DILF. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Standard DILF: Absolutely not the Tories. I suspect I will hold my nose and vote Labour. The last time I shifted to the Lib Dems they went into a coalition with the Tories. And I felt awful. But I am also going to read the Green manifesto tomorrow in detail

Me: Good evening, TOP Guy 100%. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
TOP Guy 100%: Not the Conservatives for sure I was thinking about the lib dems but she's Boris in a dress and I think she would side with Boris I was considering them because she said she would take brexit off the table so I guess it going to be labour

Me: Good evening, Sub Slut. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Sub Slut: You realise this is grindr not question time
Me: I do not realise that.
Sub Slut: I'm here for dick not politics

Me: Good evening, TIE & EDGE YOU. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
TIE & EDGE YOU: Ha!
TIE & EDGE YOU: It's so hard as I dislike all of them
TIE & EDGE YOU: But I will vote
TIE & EDGE YOU: At the end of the day the vote comes down to Tory or labour. There is no possibility of any others making government
TIE & EDGE YOU: I dislike Johnson as he is a liar but what Corbin threatens to do is so serious and will damage the country back to how it was in the 70s. It is hard to believe after living through that period that some misguided idealists believe his polices could work. If you think Brexit is bad, wait to see what he would do!
TIE & EDGE YOU: So begrudgingly it has to be a vote to keep him out

Me: Good evening, Home n Hsewrk. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Home n Hsewrk: I'm starting to think we should give control back to the monarchy and lock all the politicians up in the Tower of London as a tourist attraction
Me: Thank you for your input, Home n Hsewrk.
Home n Hsewrk: As that's not an option I'm still trying to work out which party is living in the same world as the rest of us Corbin is out in my book as his broadband scheme would ruin many businesses and inevitably raise unemployment also the cost would push up the national debt for no reason he b would vin just get votes for porn addicts plus his plans to give over Chequers to the homeless is ridiculous
Home n Hsewrk: As it's n in the middle of knowhere he should be pledging all this money to employ the homeless that can and want to work and compulsory purchase large empty property in London and other cities and turn them into homeless en-suite facilities with food provided

Me: Good afternoon, Kinky spank dad. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Kinky spank dad: Labour
Me: Thank you for your input, Kinky spank dad.
Kinky spank dad: Np do I get to spank you  now? !!!

Me: Good afternoon, Laganjaestranja. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Laganjaestranja: The Brexit party because I'm stupid and I want to vote for someone who is insulting me every day as a person of Color from the eu and from a worker family
Laganjaestranja: Or maybe the tories
Laganjaestranja: Priti pattel should be the front face of the tories she embodies it perfectly

Me: Good evening, Daddy. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Daddy: Now there a question. Anything to stop Johnson getting in.
Me: So you're a top?
Daddy: Ha ha
Daddy: No perv kink sub

Me: Good evening, Domtop. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Domtop: And why does that concern u fucking idiot🤦🏼‍♂️
Me: This election concerns the whole country, Domtop.
Domtop: And do I fucking care 🤦🏼‍♂️
Me: Thank you anyway, Domtop.
Domtop: Cunt 🤦🏼‍♂️

Me: Good evening, cumslut4daddy/T. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
cumslut4daddy/T: Jezzer!
Me: Thank you for your input, cumslut4daddy/T.
cumslut4daddy/T: I feel like this is a meme account
cumslut4daddy/T: are you david lammy?
cumslut4daddy/T: if so, lemme see that cumrod

Me: Good afternoon, guy with pussy. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
guy with pussy: My dick
Me: You've got it all, guy with pussy.
Me: Thank you for your input.
guy with pussy: Dose anyone in the general election what to suck my dick
guy with pussy: Witch party with suck

Me: Good evening, Who deepthroats. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Who deepthroats: Conservatives
Me: Thank you for your input, Who deepthroats.
Who deepthroats: No one very disappointed

Me: Good evening, Who's horny? 💦. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Who's horny? 💦: [gif of some guy saying 'YOU A CRAZY BITCH']
Me: I am a crazy bitch. Do you have an answer?
Who's horny? 💦: Wtf?! Who does that? I'm not telling you. What is your problem? Ffs

Me: Good evening, Kinky. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Kinky: Labour
Kinky: Labour
Me: It is an offence to vote more than once in an election, Kinky.

Me: Good afternoon, Hugenutz. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Hugenutz: [a photo of his ballot paper, with a cross next to Diane Abbott of the Labour Party]
Hugenutz: I already voted
Me: Good choice. Thank you for your input.
Hugenutz: It's a joke. It is really my ballot paper but she is a walking vegetable and if she is Home Secretary on Friday I'm not going to come back from Las Palmas where I am going tomorrow
Hugenutz: I hate her and all of you woke lefties
Hugenutz: But luckily you're in for five years of rule by the likes of US😂😂😂😂🤖😂
Hugenutz: 🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖🤖
Hugenutz: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

Me: Good afternoon, XXL Horny. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
XXL Horny: Labour. I defected earlier this year from The Conservatives when Mr Johnson became leader as I was one of his first career assassinations in a long night of job  dismissals both backstage staff like myself and cabinet MPs alike. The biggest cull in british political history. He is a dangerous charlatanic compulsive liar who cares about nothing and no one except his quest for power.
XXL Horny: Stereotypical politician on turbo powered crack.
XXL Horny: My defection was proven to be the right choice after the great purge of moderate MPs from my One Nation wing of the party. The Johnson Administration is One Nation in name only. The cabinet is filled to the brim with the most racist, lying, bigoted, wealthy serving, poverty ignorant members from the most loony tune extreme end of the party who think Mrs Thatcher didn't do enough. I'm disgusted.
XXL Horny: However what this country needs is change. A departure from market domination to a truly mixed economy of state and private enterprise to something of that seen in Western or Scandinavian Europe. I cite Germany, Denmark, Sweden and Norway as the way forward in tackling a wide range of problems that we face. Labour's current manifesto although promising a drastic increase in spending and
XXL Horny: Reprioritising our commitments would still have a slightly smaller expenditure than that of Germany who's economy is only slightly larger so the debt to income percentage won't be that much higher once the economic growth that will be created by the financial stimulus kicks in.
XXL Horny: Thursday is a once in a generation opportunity to make change happen whether it be on fairer taxation, social security, university tuition fees and lifelong learning, the NHS funding and provision, foreign affairs/defence, environmentalism, housing, energy bills, rail investment and bills, bus bills, BBC funding, technology, WiFi provision and the general cost of living. Brexit will also be dealt
XXL Horny: Labour will form a responsible exit deal that protects jobs, the economy and a wide array of protections first and foremost. That is the first role of any government is to protect its citizens. Labour's deal will do that as much as we can which does mean being in the Single Market and Customs Union. Almost a Norwegian arrangement if you like
XXL Horny: So this way we protect our citizens which is our primary goal whilst still exiting the European Union as far as we can which still respects the 2016 referendum result. So we are in no way insulting the majority leave voters by insinuating that they were wrong. But as this is a constitutional affair the deal we broker must be put to the people in another referendum of the two options that protect
XXL Horny: Our people - Labour's renegotiated deal or to remain. A deal that hurts our people we cannot put to the people as we would be contravening governments primary objective. This is a sensible way out whilst still giving people the opportunity to change their minds considering how flawed the last referendum was.

 

STATISTICS:

Of the 788 users I questioned, 270 responses were counted. 131 of these users settled on a party or candidate. Here are their results:

76.5% (101)Labour Party
12.1% (16)Conservative and Unionist Party
4.5% (6)Liberal Democrats
3.0% (4)Green Party
1.5% (2)Monster Raving Loony Party
0.8% (1)The Brexit Party
0.8% (1)Liberal Party
0.8% (1)Plaid Cymru

Here are the swings in support since my 2017 poll of London Grindr users:

Labour: UP 15.6%
Conservative: DOWN 3.5%
Lib Dem: DOWN 12.7%
Green: UP 3.0% (no votes in 2017)
Monster Raving Loony: DOWN 1.6%
Brexit Party: UP 0.8% (no votes in 2017)
Plaid Cymru: UP 0.8% (no votes in 2017)
Liberal Party: UP 0.8% (no votes in 2017)
UKIP: DOWN 3.1% (no votes in 2019)

A further 138 users responded, but did not settle on a party.

19 were undecided, and could not be swayed to pick a favourite.

Some voters who were undecided, or unwilling to express support for one specific party over the others, still gave some indication of their preferences:

3Anything but Conservative or Brexit
2Anything but Conservative
2Labour or Lib Dem
2Labour or Green
1Lib Dem or Green
1Anything but Labour
1Anything but Brexit

In any case where a Grindr user was undecided on their final vote, but still able to pick a favourite party, they were counted towards that party’s tally. However, I also took note of any second preferences they volunteered.

  • 1 Green supporter is also considering voting Labour.
  • 1 Labour supporter is also considering voting Green.
  • 1 Labour supporter is also considering voting Conservative.

17 polled do not support any party, or stated that they were not going to vote. This includes 1 user who intends to spoil their ballot.

23 polled are not eligible to vote. Of those who gave reasons, 15 are not British residents, 1 missed the voter registration deadline, and 1 is underage.

Other responses can be roughly categorised as follows:

15General bewilderment
10Cryptic or incomprehensible
8Explicitly declined to answer
8Comedy answers ("The General Erection Party", "The Naughty Lad Party", "UKIP" etc)
8Rage/bile
6Miscellaneous evasion
6Lack of interest
6Just laughed at me
6Too horny to engage politically
6Nudes

Thank you for reading. Vote Labour.

(See also: Scottish Grindr users on the 2019 general election.)

Scottish Grindr users on the 2019 general election

On 12 December 2019, the United Kingdom will elect its 58th Parliament. I’ve previously polled Grindr users on the 2017 election, in Scotland and England, and the 2015 election, in Scotland and Wales, as well as on Scottish independence, Brexit, this year’s European election, and the 2016 US election. This time, I asked 619 Grindr users across the Central Belt of Scotland, in and around Edinburgh and Glasgow, who they’re supporting in this year’s general election.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Identifiable faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good afternoon, Dirtytalk 😉. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Dirtytalk 😉: Really dude?
Me: Good evening, ArseLicker👅. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
ArseLicker👅: SNP
Me: Good evening, Face-Fuck me. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Face-Fuck me: Tories
Me: Good morning, skint n hung. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
skint n hung: Labour of course
Me: Good morning, need dick badly. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
need dick badly: Sorry not 4 me but have a good one
Me: Good evening, bit of a 🐓sukr. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
bit of a 🐓sukr: Dunno yet, the jury is still out
Me: Do you have any preference at this stage?
bit of a 🐓sukr: Green party is appealing, but feels like a wasted vote
Me: Good evening, 2 horny bears. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
2 horny bears: Not sure they are all bams!!
Me: Good afternoon, Shaved Jambo. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Shaved Jambo: Only party for Scotland SNP all the way
Me: Good evening, Strong Scotch. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Strong Scotch: None of your business
Strong Scotch: I use this app for Sex
Not for discussion of my political stance
Me: Good evening, cuddle cub. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
cuddle cub: Hahaha! I know who I'm voting for. Do you?
Me: I don't, cuddle cub. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
cuddle cub: I'll be voting lib Dems or SNP and I can tell you for why.
cuddle cub: But either way my seat is pretty safely SNP
cuddle cub: I'm not voting the big 2 because of their brexit stance. I don't agree with a lot of the greens energy and science policy, I don't agree with a lot of LD financial policy, and I'm not sold on Scottish independence either
Me: Good afternoon, Gordon 🏳️‍🌈. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Gordon 🏳️‍🌈: Ah hello, I've been expecting you. Currently undecided; usually a labour voter but open to changing that if tactical voting will keep the conservatives out.
Me: Who are you open to changing to, Gordon 🏳️‍🌈?
Gordon 🏳️‍🌈: SNP, I suppose. Lib dem would be a wasted vote imo.
Me: Who do you currently feel most inclined to, between Labour and the SNP?
Gordon 🏳️‍🌈: Probably labour. SNP don't seem to have any long term plans other than another indy ref
Me: Good evening, Pleasure btm. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Pleasure btm: None that u will be influencing anyway thats for sure
Me: Good afternoon, Fun times. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Fun times: Am not none of them to be trusted people voted out in the referendum and the result wasn't respected amongst all the scaremongering
Me: Good evening, 🎭. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
🎭: I'm an EU immigrant. I don't get the right to vote unless I spend £1.3k to become a british citizen
🎭: Taxation without representation is the card I've been dealt
Bi cur Dad: Hello
Me: Hello, Bi cur Dad. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Bi cur Dad: Any that will ensure a humiliating defeat for the lying party currently in power. Yourself ?
Me: I am undecided, Bi cur Dad. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Me: Which party do you think is most likely to ensure a humiliating defeat for the lying party currently in power?
Bi cur Dad: Haha an excellent place to look for advice.
Bi cur Dad: In my constituency probably Labour
Me: Good morning, 🍆💦🤤. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
🍆💦🤤: None. They'll all wankers
Me: Good evening, Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾: mmm probably SNP or greens
Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾: it's a shame Westminster still uses FPTP
Me: It is a shame. Do you have any preference between those two parties?
Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾: yeah the Green Party
Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾: but I guess me and thousands others will be voting tactically again
Ŝσⓨʙᗝ𝒾: so I will probably end up voting SNP
Me: Good morning, Fit Silver Fox. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Fit Silver Fox: It's a secret ballot ... the clue's in the name!
Me: Thank you anyway, Fit Silver Fox.
Fit Silver Fox: Thank you.
Me: Good evening, Dom 4 Sub. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Dom 4 Sub: Boris Johnson, let's get this shit done
Me: Thank you for your input, Dom 4 Sub.
Dom 4 Sub: Im a Dominant too looking for submissive slut
Me: Good evening, foot fun ???. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
foot fun ???: Why does that matter
Me: The future of this country is at stake, foot fun ???
foot fun ???: Yes love feet
Me: Good afternoon, tight rn. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
tight rn: whitever yin gies free wifi
Me: Free broadband is in the Labour manifesto.
tight rn: am staying clear eh that... ken whit al be green
Me: Thank you for your input, tight rn.
tight rn: Nae bother
Me: Good morning, hungdilf. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
hungdilf: The twink btm party
Me: Are they fielding candidates this year?
hungdilf: I hope so
Me: Thank you for your input, hungdilf.
hungdilf: That's what the last twink btm said!
Me: Good evening, Grg. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Grg: Probs snp tbh
Grg: Wbu?
Me: I am undecided, Grg. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Me: Thank you for your input.
Grg: Imo if ur in scotland u may as well vote for Scotland
Grg: Plus my mate knows Nicola sturgeon and she's apparently heavy sound
Me: Good evening, asweetcreamytop. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
asweetcreamytop: The DUP!
asweetcreamytop: All the way !
asweetcreamytop: Where are you??
Me: I am in Scotland. Are you not in Scotland?
asweetcreamytop: Not now
asweetcreamytop: 😬
asweetcreamytop: And in Scotland if I had the chance it definitely wouldn't be the SNP
asweetcreamytop: That devious bitch
Me: Good evening, IN TO YOUNGER. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
IN TO YOUNGER: I'm supporting my ERECTION
Me: Is it standing for election?
IN TO YOUNGER: It's always standing. I'm a advert for viagra
Me: Good evening, need abused. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
need abused: Which ever mp I can suck off
Me: Is there an MP you would particularly like to suck off?
need abused: Any as their assistant
need abused: Dressed like a slutty secretary
Me: Thank you for your input, need abused.
need abused: I need abused pleased
Me: Good evening, Dwarflord 🤴. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
🤴: Hey, I feel the only option for Scotland to have an influence in Westminster is to align with the party whom had the most block vote potential, which is the SNP. I don't agree with all their policies, but ultimately I feel the bigger picture is a tactical vote against the Tories and as gay men interested in sustaining our rights and those of other minorities the Tory influence must be challenged.
Me: Good morning, Bttm 4 Top. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Bttm 4 Top: I don't think any of your business really is it?
Me: Thank you anyway, Bttm 4 Top.
Bttm 4 Top: You do realise that isn't my name.
Me: Good morning, need it in me. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
need it in me: Probs snp
Me: Thank you for your input, need it in me.
need it in me: Eh
need it in me: What u looking for mate
Me: That, mostly.
need it in me: What about putting it in my arse
Me: Good evening, A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈: SNP or Labour
Me: Do you have any preference between those two?
A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈: Bit torn
A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈: I've been impressed by the SNP's Brexit response but the anti-trans contingent are awful and in general I think they should be radical
A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈: Or more radical in their manifesto
A 🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈: Scottish Labour seem a bit useless, but I think the UK wide manifesto is great. And this is a UK election
Me: Good afternoon, Fuck me now. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Fuck me now: Labour you ?
Me: Probably the same. Thank you for your input, Fuck.
Fuck me now: Fuck when ?
Me: Good morning, Sugar Daddy. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming general election?
Sugar Daddy: Why you wanting to know that
Me: This is the only thing that gets me off, Sugar Daddy.
Sugar Daddy: Let's see your horny pics then son
Me: [a picture of Jeremy Corbyn]
Me: [a picture of Diane Abbott]
Me: [a picture of John McDonnell]
Me: [a picture of Emily Thornberry]
(He blocked me after that.)

STATISTICS:

Of the 621 users I managed to question before I was banned from Grindr, 215 responses were counted. 96 of these users settled on a party or candidate. Here are their results:

52.1% (50)Scottish National Party (SNP)
21.9% (21)Labour Party
8.3% (8)Conservative and Unionist Party
7.3% (7)Monster Raving Loony Party
6.3% (6)Green Party
1.0% (1)Liberal Democrats
1.0% (1)Democratic Unionist Party
1.0% (1)Sinn Féin
1.0% (1)Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality

(Nobody expressed support for the Brexit Party or UKIP.)

Here are the swings in support since my 2017 poll of Scottish Grindr users:

SNP: DOWN 0.6%
Labour: DOWN 3.6%
Conservative: DOWN 2.6%
Monster Raving Loony: UP 5.5%
Green: UP 1.6%
Lib Dem: DOWN 2.6%
DUP: UP 1% (no votes in 2017)
Sinn Féin: UP 1% (no votes in 2017)
CURE: UP 1% (no votes in 2017)
Communist: DOWN 0.6% (no votes in 2019)

A further 119 users responded, but did not settle on a party.

23 were undecided, and could not be swayed to pick a favourite.

Some voters who were undecided, or unwilling to express support for one specific party over the others, still gave some indication of their preferences:

3Anything but Conservative
2SNP or Labour
2SNP or Lib Dem
1SNP or Green
1Anything but SNP

In any case where a Grindr user was undecided on their final vote, but still able to pick a favourite party, they were counted towards that party’s tally. However, I also took note of any second preferences they volunteered.

  • 3 SNP supporters are also considering voting Labour.
  • 2 SNP supporters are also considering voting Green.
  • 1 SNP supporter is also considering voting Lib Dem.
  • 1 Labour supporter is also considering voting SNP.

14 polled do not support any party, or stated that they were not going to vote.

14 polled are not eligible to vote. Of those who gave reasons, 11 are not British residents, and 1 trans user is unable to vote due to complications of applying for a name change.

Other responses can be roughly categorised as follows:

12Explicitly declined to answer
11Miscellaneous evasion
9Cryptic or incomprehensible
9General bewilderment
9Too horny to engage politically
7Comedy answers ("S Club", "SuBo", "the assparty" etc.)
5Lack of interest
3Just laughed at me
3Just replied “hi” or “hello” or something, ignoring the opening question, and proceeded to attempt a conversation like it was never asked

This is about as illuminating as any other poll you’ll read this month. Vote out the Tories on Thursday, and I’ll thank you for your input.

Scottish Grindr users on the 2019 European election

On 23 May 2019, member states of the European Union will elect MEPs to the European Parliament. Despite its best efforts, the United Kingdom is still an EU member state, and will be participating.

I’ve previously polled Grindr users on BrexitScottish independence, the 2016 US election, the 2015 UK general election in Scotland and in Wales, and the 2017 election in Scotland and in England. This time, I asked 1,024 Grindr users across the Central Belt of Scotland, in and around Edinburgh and Glasgow, who they’re supporting in this year’s European election.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Identifiable faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, NeedFilled. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
NeedFilled: The party that promises to let me have your cock in my ass tonight
Me: Good evening, Skinnt teeen. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Skinnt teeen: Snp mother fucker
Me: Good evening, Milker/Edger. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Milker/Edger: Change UK
Me: Good evening, 🐮MoooManMilk🐄. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: X
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: Oops typo lol
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: The brexit party of course n morning just got ur message
Me: Good morning, fuck my throat. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
fuck my throat: Bit personal
Me: Good evening, Young Sub. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Young Sub: Not too sure yet, possibly the Lib Dems
Me: Thank you for your input, Young Sub.
Young Sub: Why does it matter haha
Me: Our votes could have pan-European implications, Young Sub.
Young Sub: I mean I support Brexit if that's what you're asking and no that does not by any implication make me right wing, I'm a centre-left libertarian
Daddy visiting: Hello
Me: Hello, Daddy visiting. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Daddy visiting: Ukip
Me: Thank you for your input, Daddy visiting.
Daddy visiting: Ha ha. I'm a remained but feel abandoned by the other parties
Me: Good evening, Salt Spreading. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Salt Spreading: Wtf
Me: Are you undecided, Salt Spreading?
Salt Spreading: No.
Salt Spreading: Do you want something else? 🤷
Me: No, Salt Spreading, this is about the extent of it.
Salt Spreading: European elections? Good luck with that chat
Visiting4fun: Hi
Me: Hi, Visiting4fun. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Visiting4fun: Usually vote Tory (ducks!)
Visiting4fun: Not sure that says much in this election.
Me: Are the Conservatives particularly unpalatable to you in this specific election?
Visiting4fun: Not doing so well on the negotiating brexit thing.
Me: Is there a party you believe would do a better job?
Visiting4fun: No. I think the PM is in an impossible position
Me: Good evening, Sexy muscle dad. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Sexy muscle dad: Why are you asking any one that supports social justice fair wage a clamp down on corporate control of the market place and government
Me: Which party do you believe most supports social justice, a fair wage, and a clampdown on corporate control of the marketplace and government?
Sexy muscle dad: Jeremy Corban
Me: Good evening, Brandon. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Brandon: Heyhey
Brandon: Green probably
Brandon: Usually SNP but their shit response to the transphobia in their party lately has put me off
Me: Good evening, R. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
R: Good question
R: Lib Dem's
R: You?
Me: I remain undecided for the time being. Thank you for your input, R.
R: You're welcome
R: Happy to offer reasons if you want
R: Good luck in your deciding
Me: What are your reasons, R?
R: Well mostly I want to send a strong pro-Remain message but I'm not a nationalist so wouldn't want to vote for the SNP or the Greens, and Labour have been trying to ride both horses on Brexit so I don't trust them
Craig: Hi
Me: Good afternoon, Craig. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Craig: Haven't a clue yourself?
Me: I am also undecided, Craig. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Craig: Why don't you bend over and let me fuck you and we can talk whilst I am in you.
Me: Good evening, hot and sweaty. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
hot and sweaty: Upcoming elections are a farce, this country will be dragged kicking and screaming from the EU because of the right wing gov
Me: Good evening, Kinky Perve. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Kinky Perve: Straight into the really dark kinky stuff hey?
Kinky Perve: Undecided at the moment. How about you? Do you have a favourite? Or maybe least worst?
Me: I am also undecided, Kinky Perve. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Kinky Perve: Not blue. Maybe red. Maybe green? Is this a purple? Or is that ShitKip? Yellows are a bit meh. Not much on the leaflet through the door from Change. Then one of them changed his mind didn't he. I just want Kathy Burke to win.
Grindr user: Wanna get pants at your ankles?
Me: Not right now, Grindr user, but thank you for the offer. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Grindr user: Will spoil my ballot
Grindr user: No options for me
Grindr user: Aresholes
birthday: Looking for a dark room bj
Me: Thank you for letting me know, birthday. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
birthday: SNP. You?
Me: Undecided, but quite possibly the same. Thank you for your input, birthday.
birthday: You're welcome. I voted for indy, but based on the stupidity of the Westminster system and those on offer. I'll do the same until things change
Me: Good evening, I Suk U Now GH. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
I Suk U Now GH: The party that shoot hot cum in my mouth 😉
Me: Good evening, SLAVE 2 f*ck. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
SLAVE 2 f*ck: an anti Brexit one
Me: Do you have a specific anti-Brexit party in mind?
SLAVE 2 f*ck: not finally decided till i read their manifestos
Me: A sensible position to take, SLAVE 2 f*ck.
SLAVE 2 f*ck: much easier to decide which parties not to vote for
Me: Good morning, need - fuked!. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
need - fuked!: ??? Erm.... it's nearly 6am on a sat morning. Been partying all night and thats the very last question I want to hear lol
Me: Would you prefer to hear the question at a different time?
need - fuked!: I would prefer not to hear the question at all.
Me: Good evening, 8' for Trans. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
8' for Trans: My views are right wing so guess 😂
Me: The parties on the ballot that are generally characterised as right-wing are:
• Conservative and Unionist Party
• The Brexit Party
• UK Independence Party (UKIP)
8' for Trans: Brexit party, love my boi farage 😂
Me: Thank you for your input, 8' for Trans.
8' for Trans: No problem
8' for Trans: I may have right wing views, but i love a girly smooth t girl on my dick
Me: Good evening, Ben need to suk. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Ben need to suk: I'm voting for the who the fuck cares anymore party.the country is fucked now anyway
Me: Good morning, totally decent. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
totally decent: My own business . Sorry
Me: Thank you anyway, totally decent.
totally decent: Strange place and way to run a poll
totally decent: Not angry more just annoyed.
Me: Good evening, bottomuseme. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
bottomuseme: SNP
Me: Thank you for your input, bottomuseme.
bottomuseme: That's ok what party you supporting,wish you were putting it in me lol
Me: I remain undecided for the time being, bottomuseme, but the SNP are certainly in contention.
bottomuseme: Time to get rid of London,they're black hole has to be same as hours if indeed there is one,we are one of the richest countries in world,it's time people stopped listening to British lies,and become a nation at heart of Europe,not part of 300 years of poverty for some people because of London greedy government
Me: Good evening, watch U cm. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
watch U cm: The party in your pants
watch U cm: Let's see you
Me: Good evening, pick up an fuck. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
pick up an fuck: Who the fuck asks that on Grindr?
Me: Me, pick up an fuck.
pick up an fuck: What are you voting?
Me: I am undecided for the time being, pick up an fuck.
pick up an fuck: Why do you keep repeating that?
Me: Good evening, drunk/horny. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
drunk/horny: What
Me: Countries of the EU are electing MEPs to the European Parliament in 7 days' time, drunk/horny.
drunk/horny: I know that but what that got to do with u being drunk an horny
Me: Good morning, hot ass. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
hot ass: [a photo of his ass]
Me: Is that on the ballot, hot ass?
hot ass: Yes
Me: Good evening, EXTRACT UR C#M. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
EXTRACT UR C#M: Who fucking cares
Me: Europe cares, EXTRACT UR C#M.
EXTRACT UR C#M: Reported you
Me: Good evening, Hung 4 Younger. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Hung 4 Younger: None of them .  I've given up politics in despair.
Hung 4 Younger:  ( I haven't given up sucking a nice cock though ......)
Me: Good morning, Chris. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Chris: No idea
Me: Thank you anyway, Chris.
Chris: I didn't realise there was an election
Me: It's on May 23, Chris.
Chris: Ok
Chris: Thanks for letting me know
Me: You're welcome, Chris.
Chris: But I'm on here looking for sex
Me: Good evening, vagrant. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
vagrant: None its meaningless shit that normal people couldn't give on tiny shit about
vagrant: Being under 50
Me: Thank you anyway, vagrant.
vagrant: I swear if that end up online again like last time

STATISTICS:

Of the 1,024 users I questioned, 406 responses were counted. 133 of these users settled on a party or candidate. Here are their results:

48.0% (60)Scottish National Party (SNP)
18.4% (23)Scottish Green Party
10.4% (13)The Brexit Party
8.8% (11)
Liberal Democrats
5.6% (7)Conservative and Unionist Party
4.8% (6)
Labour Party
2.4% (3)UK Independence Party (UKIP)
1.6% (2)Change UK – The Independent Group

In addition, some votes were received for parties and candidates who are not on the Scottish ballot. These were:

2Unidas Podemos
2Lord Buckethead
1Monster Raving Loony Party
1German Green Party
1Die Linke
1Democracy for Europe (DiEM25)

A further 273 users responded, but did not settle on a party.

46 were undecided, and could not be swayed to pick a favourite.

Some voters who were undecided, or unwilling to express support for one specific party over the others, still gave some indication of their preferences:

7Any nominally Remain-supporting/anti-Brexit party
2Green, Lib Dem, or SNP
2Green or SNP
2Anything but The Brexit Party
1Change UK or Labour
1Change UK or Lib Dem
1Green or Labour
1Green or Lib Dem
1Lib Dem or SNP
1Anything but Conservative
1Anything but SNP

In any case where a Grindr user was undecided on their final vote, but still able to pick a favourite party, they were counted towards that party’s tally. However, I also noted their second preferences.

  • 7 SNP supporters are also considering voting Green.
  • 1 Lib Dem supporter is also considering voting Green.
  • 1 SNP supporter is also considering voting Lib Dem.
  • 1 Brexit supporter is also considering voting UKIP.


44 polled do not support any party, or stated that they were not going to vote. This includes 1 respondent who intends to spoil their ballot.

27 are not eligible to vote. Of those who gave reasons, 17 are not European citizens, 5 are travelling or busy on election day and unable to arrange a postal or proxy vote, 3 missed the registration deadline, and 1 is underage.

Other responses can be roughly categorised as follows:

27Miscellaneous evasion
22Explicitly declined to answer
18Too horny to engage politically
17General bewilderment
14Lack of interest
13Cryptic or incomprehensible
10Comedy answers ("S Club", "Jedi", "my own ass" etc.)
8Just replying “hi” or “hello” or something, ignoring the opening question, and proceeding to attempt a conversation like it was never asked
6General hostility
6Unaware there was an election happening
5Just laughed at me
5General nihilism (what's the point, we're all fucked etc.)
5Thought I was talking about Eurovision

Finally, let’s go back to the parties’ votes and calculate how they’d equate to MEPs. In European Parliament elections, the UK uses the D’Hondt system, in which each seat is given to the party with the greatest number of votes, divided by one plus the number of those already allocated to that party. Each MEP would be as follows:

60SNPMEP #1: Alyn Smith, the SNP’s 1st candidate.
23Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

30 (60/2)SNPMEP #2: Christian Allard, the SNP’s 2nd candidate.
23Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

20 (60/3)SNP
23GreenMEP #3: Maggie Chapman, the Greens’ 1st candidate.
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

20 (60/3)SNPMEP #4: Aileen Macleod, the SNP’s 3rd candidate.
11.5 (23/2)Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

15 (60/4)SNPMEP #5: Margaret Ferrier, the SNP’s 4th candidate.
11.5 (23/2)Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

12 (60/5)SNP
11.5 (23/2)Green
13BrexitMEP #6: Louis Stedman-Bryce, the Brexit Party’s 1st candidate.
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

If only Grindr users vote on May 23, Scotland will elect 4 SNP MEPs, 1 Green MEP, and 1 Brexit MEP.