machotrouts

MMMAAACCHHHOOOTTRROOUUTTSS

Hobbes Minus Calvin

Posted on by machotrouts

I just found a 2008 computer folder containing a bunch of Calvin and Hobbes comics I sloppily edited in Paint to remove Calvin. This was around the peak of Garfield Minus Garfield, and presumably some people had already gone with the obvious Calvin Minus Hobbes idea, so I decided Calvin was actually the imaginary one all along. I don’t think I ever got round to posting them anywhere, so here you go:

A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: A school bus with its door open. Nobody gets out. Panel 2: The door of Calvin's house opens on its own. Panel 3: Hobbes pounces at nothing, making a large 'POW' sound. Panel 4: Hobbes says 'GLAD TO SEE ME??'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes asleep in bed, on his own. Panel 2: Hobbes asleep in bed, on his own. Panel 3: Hobbes asleep in bed, on his own. Panel 4: Hobbes awake and screaming 'NO!'.
A 10-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The strip's title, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. Hobbes reads a comic, turns over his shoulder, and says 'HECK NO.' Panel 2: Blank. Panel 3: Hobbes throws a football and says 'THE CENTER SNAPS THE BALL!'. Panel 4: Blank. Panel 5: Hobbes throws the football again and yells 'HOBBES BREAKS CLEAR!'. Panel 6: Hobbes catches the football and says 'AN AMAZING CATCH! HOBBES IS AT THE 30... THE 20... THE 10...'. Panel 7: Hobbes wrestles with the football and says 'BUT CALVIN FUMBLES THE BALL AND HOBBES RECOVERS IT!'. Panel 8: Hobbes throws up his arms and says 'HOBBES DEFECTS TO THE OTHER TEAM AND IS GREETED WITH ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERS! THE CROWD GOES WILD!'. Panel 9: Hobbes sticks out his tongue and says 'HOBBES DEFIES HIM BY POURING OUT HIS MOUTH GUARD ONTO CALVIN'S HELMET!'. Panel 10: Hobbes arches his back and says 'HOBBES' TEAM GAINS A YARD! ALL THE CHEER-LEADERS COME OUT FOR SMOOCHES!!'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes runs with a football. Panel 2: Hobbes runs with a football. Panel 3: Hobbes runs into the house with a football. Panel 4: Hobbes climbs under a sofa with a football, and says 'YOU STILL HAVEN'T TACKLED ME!'.
A 1-panel daily strip. Calvin's Mom and Dad enter Calvin's room in the middle of the night, to find a stuffed Hobbes along with a tom-tom and drumstick.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Blank. Panel 2: Blank. Panel 3: Calvin's Mom screams 'WILL YOU STOP THAT AWFUL RACKET?! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!'. Panel 4: Blank.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Dad relaxes on the couch. Panel 2: Calvin's Dad relaxes on the couch. Panel 3: Calvin's Dad jumps, startled. Panel 4: Calvin's Dad scowls at nothing in particular.
A 5-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes is sat next to a Christmas tree. He says 'HERE, I GOT YOU A PRESENT.' Panel 2: Hobbes says 'I PICKED IT OUT MYSELF! OPEN IT!' Panel 3: Hobbes says 'YOU'RE WELCOME!' Panel 4: Hobbes says 'I THOUGHT OF THAT. SEE, YOU COULD GIVE ME MINE BACK! THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PRESENT!' Panel 5: Hobbes says 'WHY, THANK YOU! IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED! MERRY CHRISTMAS!' A speech bubble from off-screen says 'CALVIN, DID YOU KNOCK THESE CANS OVER IN THE PANTRY?'.
A 9-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The strip's title, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. Hobbes sits alone on a bed. Panel 2: Hobbes puts on a helmet and says 'READY.' Panel 3: Calvin's Mom and Dad get ready to leave as Rosalyn enters. Calvin's Mom says 'CALVIN, THE BABY SITTER IS HERE! WE'RE GOING! BE GOOD, OK?'. Panel 4: Rosalyn bends down and, addressing nobody, says 'HI THERE. YOU MUST BE CALVIN.' Panel 5: Blank. Panel 6: Rosalyn, kneeling down and addressing nobody, says 'CALVIN, TAKE A LOOK BY THE TELEPHONE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE.' Panel 7: A telephone. Panel 8: Rosalyn makes a fist and says 'RIGHT. NOW YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO HAVE TO CALL ANY OF THOSE NUMBERS, WOULD YOU?'. Panel 9: Rosalyn sits on the couch and and says 'FOR EIGHT BUCKS A NIGHT, I DON'T PUT UP WITH MUCH.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: A ball flies through the air. Panel 2: The ball continues to fly through the air. Panel 3: The ball is on the floor. Panel 4: Hobbes stands next to the ball and says 'HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT? IT WAS RIGHT TO YOU!'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes reads a newspaper. Panel 2: Hobbes points at the newspaper and says 'IT SAYS YOU HAVE TO BE EIGHTEEN TO GET IN.' Panel 3: Hobbes picks up the newspaper and stares into the distance. Panel 4: Hobbes, in his stuffed form, arrives at the cinema wearing a long coat. A ticket seller says 'THIS IS A NEW ONE.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Susie Derkins walks up to the bus stop and says 'HI CALVIN.' Panel 2: Susie says 'WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?'. Panel 3: Susie says 'CALVIN, YOU ARE SO WEIRD I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TALK TO YOU.' Panel 4: Susie says 'I WISH I LIVED SOME-PLACE WHERE I WENT TO A NORMAL BUS STOP.'
A 10-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The title of the strip, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. Hobbes, strolling through the woods, says 'LOTS!'. Panel 2: Hobbes says 'I'M NOT TELLING.' Panel 3: Hobbes says 'IT'S A SOPHISTICATED THING.' Panel 4: Hobbes says 'NICE WEATHER TODAY.' Panel 5: Hobbes says 'MAYBE WHEN YOU'RE OLDER.' Panel 6: Hobbes says 'SOME THINGS YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.' Panel 7: Hobbes says 'IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO BELIEVE, GO AHEAD.' Panel 8: A montage of Hobbes wrestling with thin air, shouting 'NO!', 'NO!', 'NO!', 'NO!', 'NO!', and 'NO!'. Panel 9: Hobbes, dishevelled from his grapple with nothing, says 'OK, HERE: 'SNOOGY WOOGY WIPS.'' Panel 10: Hobbes says 'SEE? I TOLD YOU YOU WEREN'T OLD ENOUGH.'
A 3-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Dad, sat on the couch and holding a book, stares at a blank space. Panel 2: Calvin's Dad says 'IF YOUR LIPS WEREN'T CLOSED, THE FORCE OF THE EXPLOSION WOULD BLOW YOUR EYEBALLS OUT AND STRETCH THE OPTIC NERVE, SO YOUR EYES WOULD FLOP AROUND AND YOU'D HAVE TO POINT THEM WITH YOUR HANDS TO SEE ANYTHING.' Panel 3: Calvin's Dad returns to his book and says 'IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK YOU GET WHEN YOU BECOME A FATHER.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes stands on the spot, perching forward as if in motion. Panel 2: Hobbes appears to take a small step backward. Panel 3: Hobbes appears to continue taking a small step backward. Panel 4: Hobbes, stepping backward off frame, says 'I'M GOING SO SLOW, I'M MOVING BACKWARD! I'M WINNING!'.
A 9-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The title of the strip, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. Calvin's Mom driving a car. She says 'NO.' Panel 2: Mom seethes. A stuffed Hobbes sits alone in the back seat. Panel 3: A 'KLUNK' sound. What looks like car parts are flying out into the road. Mom says 'OH NO!'. Panel 4: Mom shouts 'OH YOU STUPID CAR! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU NOW?!?'. A stuffed Hobbes sits alone in the back seat. Panel 5: Mom shouts 'CALVIN, BE QUIET!' from off-screen as we see a close-up of Hobbes on his own. Panel 6: Mom gets out the car, turns to Hobbes, and says 'YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE. I'LL LOOK UNDER THE HOOD.' Panel 7: Hobbes, no longer in his stuffed form, presses against the window and says 'LET'S BLOW THE HORN! MAYBE SOMEONE WILL COME.' Panel 8: Hobbes honks the horn. BEEEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Mom shouts 'AAUGH!'. Panel 9: Hobbes shouts 'HOORAYY!! SOMEONE STOPPED! WE'RE HEROES!!'. Mom is talking to a concerned driver who has pulled over. He asks 'WANT ME TO CALL A TOW TRUCK, LADY?'. She replies 'FIRST CALL THE POLICE AND REPORT AN INFANTICIDE.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Rosalyn is on the phone. She says 'ANYWAY CHARLIE, I'M SORRY WE COULDN'T GO OUT TONIGHT, BUT THIS LITTLE CREEP'S PARENTS ARE SO DESPERATE TO GET AWAY FROM HIM ONCE IN A WHILE THAT THEY...' Panel 2: Rosalyn is startled by nothing in particular. She drops the phone. Panel 3: Rosalyn falls off her chair to the floor. She says 'GET OFF ME, CALVIN, YOU PEST! OW! LET GO! QUIT IT!'. Panel 4: Rosalyn, splayed on the floor on her own, picks the phone back up and says 'LISTEN CHARLIE, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT THIS CRETIN IS WEARING.'
A 1-panel daily strip. Calvin's Dad gets out the car, stares into space, and thinks 'UH OH...'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes lies alone on the grass. Panel 2: Hobbes turns around. Panel 3: Hobbes, concerned, sits up and says 'YOU MEAN A NUCLEAR WAR?'. Panel 4: Hobbes stares.
A 6-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Mom at the supermarket, pushing a trolley and examining a jar. Panel 2: Mom carrying 3 shopping bags. Panel 3: Mom looking harried in the kitchen, preparing an elaborate meal. Panel 4: Mom putting out a plate of food at the table. Panel 5: The plate of food sits on its own, uneaten. Panel 6: The plate of food sits on its own, uneaten, cold, in the dark.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Mom puts a plate of food on the table and says 'TRY IT.' Panel 2: Calvin's Mom sits at the table, addressing the blank space next to the food, and says 'TRY IT.'. Panel 3: Calvin's Mom, increasingly impatient, shouts 'JUST TRY IT!'. Panel 4: The food sits alone and uneaten.
A 10-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The title of the strip, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. The rest of the space is blank. Panel 2: Blank. Panel 3: A woman alone in a doctor's room. She says 'MY FOOT HURTS, DOCTOR.' Panel 4: The woman frowns and says 'YOU'RE THE DOCTOR! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT.' Panel 5: The woman looks alarmed and says 'A LOBOTOMY?! THAT'S NOT WHAT A REAL DOCTOR WOULD SAY!'. Panel 6: The woman looks horrified and says 'WH– THAT'S TO TEST REFLEXES! Y-YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!'. Panel 7: The woman looks angry and says 'THAT DOES IT! I KNOW MORE ABOUT MEDICINE THAN YOU! I'LL BE THE DOCTOR NOW!'. Panel 8: The woman kicks the air and says 'SAY IT! SAY I'M THE DOCTOR!' Panel 9: Susie Derkins yells 'FINE! GOOD RIDDANCE! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!'. Panel 10: Hobbes sits alone on the porch step and says 'I'D BE SUSIE'S PATIENT!'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Dad sits alone on the couch, reading a book. Panel 2: Calvin's Dad sits alone on the couch, reading a book. Panel 3: Calvin's Dad is now some kind of giant alien bug thing. Panel 4: A blank space. A speech bubble from off-screen says 'WHAT?'.
A 12-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The title of the strip, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. A plate of green slop makes some noise – 'BLUCK', 'SCHLOOP', 'BLIP' and 'BLORK'. Panel 2: The plate of green slop, not doing anything. Panel 3: The plate of green slop shifts slightly. Panel 4: The plate of green slop, not doing anything. Panel 5: The green slop takes a new, more head-shaped form. Panel 6: Some unrecognisable food item, perhaps leaves of some sort, is seen to the green slop's left. Panel 7: Some unrecognisable food item, looking like a cereal of some sort, is seen to the green slop's right. Panel 8: The leaves are now on top of the slop. Panel 9: The plate of green slop with leaves on top, not doing anything. Panel 10: The plate turns around. It has a face, with an open mouth, and the cereal or whatever it was forming a sort of tongue. Panel 11: Calvin's Dad yells at the space behind the green slop. Panel 12: The plate of green slop shifts back to its original form.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Mom, hands on her hips, addresses an open cookie jar. 'CALVIN, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO EAT COOKIES BEFORE DINNER! PUT THOSE AWAY! DID YOU CLEAN YOUR ROOM YET?'. Panel 2: Mom cups her hands as if to push the air and says 'I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT. NOW MOVE!'. Panel 3: Mom walks away and snarls 'OOH, SOME DAYS THAT KID OF MINE...'. Panel 4: Mom looms over a couch and shouts 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?!'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Dad takes off his coat and shouts 'I'M HOME!'. Panel 2: Dad opens the closet to put away his coat and says 'HI, CALVIN'. Panel 3: Dad, putting away his coat, says 'I SAID HI.' Panel 4: Dad closes the closet and says 'KNOCK IT OFF, CALVIN.' A speech bubble from off-screen says 'DEAR, HAVE A TALK WITH HIM. HE'S BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Calvin's Dad stands at the bottom of an escalator and says 'WHEN I WAS A KID, MY MOM WOULD TAKE ME TO THE BIG OLD DEPARTMENT STORE DOWNTOWN, AND I USED TO LOVE RIDING THE ESCALATORS.' Panel 2: Dad continues 'THE ESCALATORS THERE HAD WOOD STAIRS, AND THEY USED TO CLICK, CLACK, AND CREAK. THE WOOD SLATS ON EACH STEP WERE MAYBE HALF AN INCH APART, AND I ALWAYS WONDERED IF LADIES GOT THEIR HIGH HEELS STUCK AND GOT PULLED UNDER.' Panel 3: Dad folds his arms and continues 'SOME OF THOSE ESCALATORS WERE VERY NARROW – JUST WIDE ENOUGH FOR ONE PERSON. YEP, THOSE OLD ESCALATORS HAD A LOT MORE PERSONALITY THAN THESE SLICK METAL ONES.' Panel 4: Dad stands alone on the escalator.
An 11-panel Sunday strip. At the top, the title, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. Panel 1: Hobbes, in bed, says 'YOU NEED A NICE FUR COAT LIKE MINE. I'M ALL TOASTY.' Panel 2: Hobbes bolts upright and yells 'GAAA!'. Panel 3: Hobbes tugs the duvet towards him and says 'WELL, KEEP YOUR ICY FEET ON YOUR OWN SIDE OF THE BED THEN!'. Panel 4: Hobbes points both his paws to the middle and edge of the bed and says 'THAT'S YOUR SIDE! THIS IS THE DEMILITARIZED ZONE AND THIS IS MY SIDE!'. Panel 5: Hobbes folds his arms indignantly and says 'OH, THAT DOES IT!'. Panel 6: Hobbes stands up and walks away, taking the duvet with him, and says 'YOU AND YOUR HAIRLESS PINK MONKEY SUIT CAN FREEZE SOLID! I'M LEAVING! Panel 7: Calvin's Dad and Mom are roused in their bed by a 'THUMP THUMP THUMP' sound. Panel 8: The bottom of the staircase. Nothing is there. Panel 9: Hobbes pounces, covered in the duvet and looking like a ghost. Panel 10: Hobbes, alone and comfortable, snoozes in bed. Panel 11: Calvin's Dad and Mom in bed. Dad shrieks 'GAAAA! SOMEBODY'S FEET ARE LIKE ICE!!' Mom replies 'CALVIN HAD ANOTHER NIGHTMARE.'
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: A school desk with a piece of paper on it. A speech bubble from off-screen says 'TAKE OUT YOUR MATH HOMEWORK AND PASS IT FORWARD, CLASS.' Panel 2: The paper levitates over the desk as some numbers fly off. Panel 3: The numbers disappear off-screen as the paper lands back on the desk. Panel 4: The paper bursts into flames with a 'FWOOM'.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: Hobbes slouches on the floor, eating snacks and watching TV. Whatever he's watching makes a 'BLAM! BLAM! SCREEEEECHH! noise. Panel 2: Hobbes sits up and looks off-screen at a 'SLAM!' sound. Panel 3: Rosalyn folds her arms and glares at Hobbes, now in his stuffed form. Panel 4: Rosalyn, Calvin's Dad, and Calvin's Mom all stand together, folding their arms and glaring.
A 4-panel daily strip. Panel 1: An empty chair at a table with a jotter and some paper on it. Hobbes stares at the chair. Panel 2: Hobbes says ''UNTIL YOU STALK AND OVERRUN, YOU CAN'T DEVOUR ANYONE.'' Panel 3: Hobbes walks away from the chair and table. Panel 4: The chair and table, on their own.
A 14-panel Sunday strip. Panel 1: The title, 'Hobbes' by WATTERSON. The rest of the space is blank. Panel 2: Blank. Panel 3: Blank. Panel 4: Blank. Panel 5: Blank. Panel 6: Blank. Panel 7: Blank. Panel 8: Blank. Panel 9: Blank. Panel 10: Blank. Panel 11: Blank. Panel 12: Blank. Panel 13: Blank. Panel 14: Calvin's Dad and Mom sift through some photos. Dad says 'THAT'S OUR SON! *SIGHHH*'. Mom says 'THESE PICTURES WILL REMIND US OF MORE THAN WE WANT TO REMEMBER.'

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *