Scottish Grindr users on the 2015 general election

A general election will be held in the United Kingdom on 7 May 2015, and traditional polling outlets can’t call the result. Naturally, as I did for the independence referendum, I turned to Grindr.

I asked 1024 Grindr users in and around Edinburgh who they intend to vote for, with mixed results. Here is a representative sample:

Me: Good morning, Black- 9 incher. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Black- 9 incher: Snp
Me: Good evening, Virginforfun. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Virginforfun: Labour
Me: Good afternoon, Masc guy. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Masc guy: True blue Tory all fucking day
Me: Good evening, IN2FEET. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
IN2FEET: Greens or Lav
IN2FEET: Labour man
Me: Good evening, Boone 47. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Boone 47: Not fully decided as yet, most likely either the Liberals or the Green Party
Me: Which of those two parties do you currently feel most inclined to support?
Boone 47: At the moment probably the Liberals, I'm hoping for another hung parliament and possibly some genuine electoral reform this time!
Me: Good evening, Grindr Guy. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Grindr Guy: I'm polish emigrant living here 9 years and I'm not voting but I be go with Mr farage farrage or what ever his surname is
Me: Good afternoon, Snap.My.Cuffs!. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Snap.My.Cuffs!: I'm a Green, however, I'm quite partial to tactically vote SNP.
Snap.My.Cuffs!: Ms Sturgeon to be Kingmaker at Westminster.
Me: Good afternoon, Fill ma hole. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Fill ma hole: This is not the platform to be asking things like that
Me: Good afternoon, The coffee man. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
The coffee man: Emmm why ?
The coffee man: Lol mind you......i am proud to suport the only party that cares for my contry...thr only party that has not got ties with westminster...THE S.N.P
Me: Good evening, Ubiquitous 6 pk. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Ubiquitous 6 pk: The one that restores the Great in Great Britain.
Me: To clarify, which party restores the Great in Great Britan?
Ubiquitous 6 pk: That is the question. None seem to be adept at answering it.
Me: Good afternoon, Who wants BJ?. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Who wants BJ?: Is this a poll or a chat up line lol?
Me: This is a poll, Mr BJ?.
Who wants BJ?: SNP
Me: Good evening, Hung NSA now. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Hung NSA now: I shall vote right wing pafty
Me: Good evening, Hornyguy. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Hornyguy: Without any doubt I'm voting snp
Me: Thank you for your input, Hornyguy.
Hornyguy: Murphy looks like he's been up all night in a drug party with a smile that looks.like joker
Hornyguy: And David Cameron is.a.tosser. Only cares about English people and the rich
Me: Good afternoon, lonelistheart. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
lonelistheart: Good afternoon buddy, I won't bother to vote this time because all are same bastards. I voted SNP last time & labour before that but I will never vote for either of them again cause they never kept their promises I call them bunch of wankers. None of them really care about the low income everyone focus about their political position. When you hear their crap on the media you don't know whether to offer them toilet roll or breath mint for their lies & nonsense
Me: Good evening, Deep throat. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Deep throat: Fuck off
Me: Good evening, Gay sauna. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Gay sauna: Snp I've had enoughf of the flip the red and blou coin , no more I tell you no fecin more
Me: Good evening, 😗 Dave 😍. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
😗 Dave 😍: Hello, well I know it should be SNP but looks like UKIP
Me: Are you saying you prefer the SNP, but currently intend to vote for UKIP?
😗 Dave 😍: Yes me friend
Me: Thank you for your input, 😗 Dave 😍.
😗 Dave 😍: Lol well me friend it's because where I live there is a very large influx of Romanians and Slovakians and they are the most disgusting, noisy  people on this planed, you have no idea what I Jane had to put up with, so UKIP is for me, no more immigrants
Me: Good evening, LinnearBtm. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
LinnearBtm: Not sure maybe you can persuade me which way I should go
Me: Good evening, Greenrigg Scot. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Greenrigg Scot: Haven't quite decided yet, why ?
Me: Scotland values your opinion, Greenrigg Scot.
Me: Which party, if any, do you currently feel most inclined to support?
Greenrigg Scot: Mate am on here for cock !
Me: Good evening, ⭐🔥. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
⭐🔥: Are you being serious? Why are
You on Grindr asking
Shit about the general election... Get a life
Me: Good evening, 4 daddy fuck. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
4 daddy fuck: You having. A laugh
Me: Good evening, Edin prof. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Edin prof: Ah it's the Indy ref guy again
Me: Well spotted, Edin prof. Do you have an answer?
Edin prof: Conservative
Me: Thank you for your input, Edin prof.
Edin prof: Will you be in popbitch again
Me: Good evening, Red Earl. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Red Earl: Cant you just ask to see my cock@
Me: Good evening, Cuda. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Cuda: What's that got to do with grinder?
Me: What else could Grindr possibly be used for, Cuda?
Cuda: Sex
Me: Good evening, Btm 4 HUNGnow. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Btm 4 HUNGnow: Any with big dicks.
Me: Thank you for your input, Btm 4 HUNGnow.
Btm 4 HUNGnow: Same here
Btm 4 HUNGnow: Need a massive cock
Me: Good evening, Want to suck. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Want to suck: Well yes I want to suck, but the fact you ask a political question means we won't get on at all sorry
Me: Good afternoon, Wanking..mmm. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Wanking..mmm: Why......
Me: The UK values your opinion, Wanking..mmm.
Wanking..mmm: Lol where r u about
Wanking..mmm: And if ur wanking show me
Me: Good evening, Meet now. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Meet now: No thanks and what party I'll vote for is none of ur business
Me: Thank you for your input, Meet now.
Meet now: No im not interested plus I start work soon
Me: Good morning, Iswallowcum. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Iswallowcum: The party that allows u to suck guys off in public. Lol
Me: Which party has pledged to do that?
Iswallowcum: My party. The edinburgh cocksuckers party.
Iswallowcum: Do you want to join?
Me: Good evening, Grindr Guy. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Grindr Guy: The penis party
Me: I don't think they're running, Grindr Guy.
Grindr Guy: There standing for erection
Me: Thank you for your input, Grindr Guy.
Grindr Guy: Then again they might get ejaculated from the erection
Bobby: If your eyes are like that normal.... what will they be like with a cock in you.... daaaaaaamn 😉
Bobby: Queensferry boy x
Me: Good afternoon, Bobby. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
Bobby: Well thats not a question Ive been asked on this before
Me: Good evening, LONGBlckCock. Which party do you intend to vote for in the forthcoming general election?
LONGBlckCock: Lol!!!! Its just a name, u think ure smart cos u looking for friendship yh? I dont vote, Im a manager and I speak 3 languages, what the fuck do u do for a living?
LONGBlckCock: Yeh I thought so...
LONGBlckCock: Blocked, loser...

STATISTICS:

Of the 1024 Grindr users I questioned, 436 responses were counted. 196 of these users settled on a party. Here are their results:

61.73% (121)   SNP
11.73% (23)     Labour
9.18% (18)       Conservative
7.14% (14)       Green
3.57% (7)         UKIP
3.57% (7)         Liberal Democrat
1.53% (3)         Monster Raving Loony
1.02% (2)         BNP
0.51% (1)         Socialist

(Of those polled above, 11 unprompted second preferences were also shared – 7 Green, and 1 apiece for the Conservatives, UKIP, SNP, and Socialists.)

A further 240 users did not settle on a party, and I’ve divided their responses as follows:

38   No intention of voting
34   Answered to tell me they’re not going to answer
33   General evasion
32   Undecided
18   Too horny to engage politically
16   Not eligible to vote
15   Bewilderment
13   Indifference
12   Incomprehensible
11   Rage/aggression
10   Obvious joke answers (“Taliban”, “Meryl Streep”, “UKIP” etc)
7     “Anyone but…” (These users made 3 mentions of the SNP, 2 Conservative, 2 Labour, 2 UKIP, 1 Green, and 1 left wing parties in general)
1     Turned out to be a spare account of someone I’d already polled

(This leaves 122 users who presumably blocked me by the time the results were counted. The minority of these users who actually responded before blocking me could not be counted in these results – “Rage/aggression” would certainly be higher otherwise.)

In conclusion, despite their resistance to independence, Grindr users will vote overwhelmingly in favour of the Scottish National Party. Given that my referendum poll was reported by many as having predicted the outcome, we can conclude from this that the SNP will form a comfortable majority government in Westminster with 62% of the United Kingdom’s vote. This prediction can’t possibly fail.

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