A complete list of “legal highs” to be banned by the UK government

  • Go-Caine
  • China White
  • Devil’s Weed
  • Black Mamba
  • Purple Head
  • Scooby Snax
  • California Speed
  • Super Pong
  • Crystal Castles
  • Exodus Damnation
  • Fungal Dystopia
  • Benzo Fury
  • Ripto’s Rage
  • Clockwork Orange
  • Tai High Hawaiian Haze
  • Bombay Bad Boy
  • Piri Piri Chicken
  • Sticky Rib
  • M-CAT
  • Boomkat
  • The Wreckoning
  • Vanilla Sky
  • Abre los Ojos
  • Kung Pow
  • Charli XCX
  • Green Beans
  • Blue Cheese
  • Blue cheese
  • Poppy-seed bagels
  • Highlighter pens
  • The smell of petrol
  • Human rights
  • Lions
  • Tigers
  • Bears
  • Swears e.g. “fuck” “cunt” “balls”
  • The concept of joy
  • Benefits
  • Blacks
  • Murdering the Queen
  • Kicking Princess Charlotte right in her stupid fucking baby face (closing the loophole that previously only prohibited kicking Prince George right in his stupid fucking baby face)
  • Precum
  • Conducting polls on Grindr
  • The Labour Party
  • Dennis Skinner’s famous one-liners
  • Rubbing dock leaves against nettle stings
  • Emojis
  • Abusing water for non-homeopathic purposes
  • The Quran
  • Masturbating to free previews on porn sites
  • Love
  • Grating off your own skin and snorting it
  • Decapitating soldiers with a machete
  • Teens
  • Scotland
  • Smearing small children across your rectum and ingesting them through your mucous membrane
  • Heroin
  • Everything
  • Inhaling fumes from a squirrel
  • Setting a squirrel on fire for the express purpose of inhaling its fumes
  • Swallowing
  • Bottoming, but not topping
  • Injecting francium into your bloodstream and blowing off your arm
  • Tumblr
  • Screaming
  • Any crumb of comfort you happen to find in your worthless prole existence
  • Lists

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