The United States is about to elect a new president. I’ve previously polled UK Grindr users on Scottish independence, the 2015 general election, and Brexit. This time, I decided to poll US Grindr users on who they think should be leading their country.
The following is a representative sample of the replies.
(Identifiable faces have been censored.)
![Me: Good morning, Mouthfucker XL. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Mouthfucker XL: Not ur busssiness! !!
Mouthfucker XL: [picture of himself in underpants]](https://66.media.tumblr.com/6bb8fb004029e3a0a380ee4aade736b4/tumblr_inline_og955yY6lA1qaw62i_540.png)
![Me: Good afternoon, bubblebootybtm. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
bubblebootybtm: [a photo of his bubble booty]
bubblebootybtm: Send a dick pic](https://66.media.tumblr.com/3a6e71b4ba2da0c800601b905e95e2dc/tumblr_inline_og955aeDpZ1qaw62i_540.png)
![Me: Good afternoon, CHANGES. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
CHANGES: Send a pic
Me: [a photo of Donald Trump]
Me: [a photo of Hillary Clinton]
CHANGES: I meant of you](https://66.media.tumblr.com/48465fb34c22339466695936d0f644f6/tumblr_inline_og9559NZJr1qaw62i_540.png)
For every state, I aimed for a number of responses equivalent to each state’s number of presidential electors – from 55 for California to 3 for Delaware, Vermont, Alaska etc. A few fell a little short as I was banned (my 10th Grindr ban to date) just before I could finish, though most matched or exceeded the target. The number next to each state is the number of responses I received, though the percentages are only taken from the responses that can reasonably be interpreted as a decisive answer – undecided voters, non-voters, and evasive responses are listed separately. Major candidates who received 0 votes are also listed.
CALIFORNIA: 53
68% (21) Hillary Clinton
6% (2) Donald Trump
6% (2) Bernie Sanders
6% (2) “Yo momma”
3% (1) Gary Johnson
3% (1) Barack Obama
3% (1) John F. Kennedy
3% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 Undecided
4 None of the above
3 Not eligible to vote
13 Evasive or unclear responses
102 Did not respond
TEXAS: 37
57% (8) Hillary Clinton
14% (2) Donald Trump
7% (1) Jill Stein
7% (1) Cthulhu
7% (1) Harambe
7% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
3 None of the above
1 Not eligible to vote
18 Evasive or unclear responses
52 Did not respond
NEW YORK: 29
64% (9) Hillary Clinton
14% (2) Donald Trump
7% (1) Jill Stein
7% (1) Deez Nuts
7% (1) Mighty Mouse
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 Undecided
2 None of the above
1 Not eligible to vote
9 Evasive or unclear responses
38 Did not respond
FLORIDA: 29
62% (8) Hillary Clinton
23% (3) Donald Trump
8% (1) Vermin Supreme
8% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
3 None of the above
1 Not eligible to vote
11 Evasive or unclear responses
34 Did not respond
ILLINOIS: 20
75% (6) Hillary Clinton
13% (1) Donald Trump
13% (1) Patti LuPone
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
1 Not eligible to vote
9 Evasive or unclear responses
24 Did not respond
PENNSYLVANIA: 20
78% (7) Hillary Clinton
11% (1) Gary Johnson
11% (1) Prince
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 None of the above
9 Evasive or unclear responses
20 Did not respond
OHIO: 18
55% (6) Hillary Clinton
27% (3) Donald Trump
9% (1) “Myself”
9% (1) “This dick”
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 None of the above
4 Evasive or unclear responses
24 Did not respond
GEORGIA: 18
43% (3) Hillary Clinton
43% (3) Donald Trump
14% (1) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 Undecided
2 None of the above
7 Evasive or unclear responses
15 Did not respond
MICHIGAN: 18
67% (4) Hillary Clinton
33% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 None of the above
9 Evasive or unclear responses
19 Did not respond
NORTH CAROLINA: 15
100% (8) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
6 Evasive or unclear responses
38 Did not respond
NEW JERSEY: 14
60% (6) Hillary Clinton
10% (1) Jill Stein
10% (1) Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop
10% (1) “Jesus”
10% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Gary Johnson
4 Evasive or unclear responses
19 Did not respond
VIRGINIA: 13
50% (3) Hillary Clinton
33% (2) Donald Trump
17% (1) Gary Johnson
0% (0) Jill Stein
1 Undecided
6 Evasive or unclear responses
22 Did not respond
WASHINGTON: 13
71% (5) Hillary Clinton
29% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
6 Evasive or unclear responses
12 Did not respond
ARIZONA: 15
100% (7) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 Undecided
3 None of the above
1 Not eligible to vote
2 Evasive or unclear responses
14 Did not respond
TENNESSEE: 14
57% (4) Hillary Clinton
29% (2) Donald Trump
14% (1) Eric Andre
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
4 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
15 Did not respond
INDIANA: 12
44% (4) Hillary Clinton
33% (3) Donald Trump
11% (1) Bernie Sanders
11% (1) Mickey Mouse
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 Evasive or unclear responses
14 Did not respond
MASSACHUSETTS: 12
57% (4) Hillary Clinton
14% (1) Gary Johnson
14% (1) Vladimir Putin
14% (1) “Myself”
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 None of the above
3 Evasive or unclear responses
13 Did not respond
WISCONSIN: 14
88% (7) Hillary Clinton
13% (1) Jill Stein
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Gary Johnson
6 Evasive or unclear responses
7 Did not respond
MARYLAND: 10
71% (5) Hillary Clinton
14% (1) Donald Trump
14% (1) Katya
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 Evasive or unclear responses
15 Did not respond
MISSOURI: 10
71% (5) Hillary Clinton
29% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
13 Did not respond
MINNESOTA: 9
50% (3) Hillary Clinton
17% (1) Donald Trump
17% (1) Jill Stein
17% (1) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
1 None of the above
1 Evasive or unclear responses
18 Did not respond
ALABAMA: 11
83% (5) Hillary Clinton
17% (1) Jill Stein
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
3 Evasive or unclear responses
7 Did not respond
COLORADO: 10
60% (3) Hillary Clinton
20% (1) Donald Trump
20% (1) “Space raptors”
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
2 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
12 Did not respond
SOUTH CAROLINA: 9
83% (5) Hillary Clinton
17% (1) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 Evasive or unclear responses
7 Did not respond
KENTUCKY: 9
100% (5) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
3 Evasive or unclear responses
13 Did not respond
LOUISIANA: 9
33% (1) Hillary Clinton
33% (1) Donald Trump
33% (1) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
4 Evasive or unclear responses
13 Did not respond
OKLAHOMA: 8
83% (5*) Hillary Clinton
17% (1*) Donald Trump
*one respondent was actually a couple who were separately supporting Clinton and Trump. They are counted as votes for both.
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
11 Did not respond
OREGON: 8
50% (4) Hillary Clinton
13% (1) Jill Stein
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 None of the above
7 Did not respond
CONNECTICUT: 7
50% (1) Hillary Clinton
50% (1) Beyoncé
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
1 None of the above
3 Evasive or unclear responses
15 Did not respond
IOWA: 9
40% (2) Donald Trump
20% (1) Hillary Clinton
20% (1) Jill Stein
20% (1) Cthulhu
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Not eligible to vote
3 Evasive or unclear responses
10 Did not respond
ARKANSAS: 7
67% (2) Hillary Clinton
33% (1) Mickey Mouse
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
3 Evasive or unclear responses
9 Did not respond
NEVADA: 6
33% (1) Hillary Clinton
33% (1) Donald Trump
33% (1) “A giant meteor”
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
8 Did not respond
UTAH: 6
33% (1) Donald Trump
33% (1) Evan McMullin
33% (1) Bernie Sanders
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
1 Evasive or unclear responses
7 Did not respond
KANSAS: 6
67% (2) Donald Trump
33% (1) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
3 Evasive or unclear responses
6 Did not respond
MISSISSIPPI: 6
33% (1) Hillary Clinton
33% (1) Donald Trump
33% (1) Ronald Reagan
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
1 Evasive or unclear responses
6 Did not respond
WEST VIRGINIA: 7
80% (4) Donald Trump
20% (1) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
1 Evasive or unclear responses
2 Did not respond
NEBRASKA: 6
60% (3) Hillary Clinton
20% (1) Donald Trump
20% (1) Don Bacon
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
5 Did not respond
NEW MEXICO: 6
75% (3) Hillary Clinton
25% (1) Gary Johnson
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
2 Evasive or unclear responses
4 Did not respond
HAWAII: 6
50% (2) Hillary Clinton
25% (1) Donald Trump
25% (1) “Yo momma”
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
7 Did not respond
RHODE ISLAND: 5
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
10 Did not respond
MAINE: 5
100% (3) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 None of the above
6 Did not respond
NEW HAMPSHIRE: 5
100% (3) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 Evasive or unclear responses
2 Did not respond
IDAHO: 4
100% (1) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
2 Evasive or unclear responses
3 Did not respond
VERMONT: 4
50% (1) Donald Trump
50% (1) Bernie Sanders
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Undecided
1 Evasive or unclear responses
6 Did not respond
DELAWARE: 4
50% (1) Donald Trump
50% (1) “My big fat cock”
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
2 Evasive or unclear responses
5 Did not respond
ALASKA: 4
33% (1) Hillary Clinton
33% (1) Bernie Sanders
33% (1) Deez Nuts
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
0 Did not respond
SOUTH DAKOTA: 3
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 None of the above
1 Did not respond
NORTH DAKOTA: 2
100% (2) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
WYOMING: 2
100% (2) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Did not respond
MONTANA: 1
100% (1) Donald Trump
0% (0) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
8 Did not respond
WASHINGTON, D.C.: 2
100% (1) Hillary Clinton
0% (0) Donald Trump
0% (0) Jill Stein
0% (0) Gary Johnson
1 Evasive or unclear responses
3 Did not respond
The overall US-wide vote is as follows.
63.25% (191) Hillary Clinton
17.88% (54) Donald Trump
3.31% (10) Jill Stein
1.99% (6) Gary Johnson
1.99% (6) Bernie Sanders
0.99% (3) “Yo momma”
0.66% (2) Deez Nuts
0.66% (2) Cthulhu
0.66% (2) Mickey Mouse
0.33% (1) Evan McMullin
0.33% (1) Vermin Supreme
0.33% (1) Don Bacon
0.33% (1) Barack Obama
0.33% (1) John F. Kennedy
0.33% (1) Ronald Reagan
0.33% (1) Vladimir Putin
0.33% (1) Eric Andre
0.33% (1) Beyoncé
0.33% (1) Harambe
0.33% (1) Mighty Mouse
0.33% (1) Patti LuPone
0.33% (1) Prince
0.33% (1) Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop
0.33% (1) Jesus
0.33% (1) Katya
0.33% (1) “Space raptors”
0.33% (1) “A giant meteor”
In addition, 1.99% (6) voted for “Myself”, although these aren’t lumped together as they refer to separate individuals – namely, “WOOF!”, “MiamiLatino”, “nICE GUY!!!!!”, “2017 ready now”, “no pic don’t”, and “DatFckboi”. 0.66% (2) also voted for their own penis – 4 if we count pictures of a respondent’s penis as an actual answer to the poll.
Not counted towards the percentage are the following responses:
19 Undecided
60 None of the above
9 Not eligible to vote
181 Evasive or unclear responses
“Evasive or unclear responses” can be roughly divided as follows:
55 Miscellaneous evasion
41 Explicitly declined to answer, “none of your business” etc
25 Irrelevant or incomprehensible
18 Too horny to engage politically
13 Total bewilderment
12 “Anyone but…” (10 Trump, 2 Clinton, 1 Johnson, 1 Stein)
7 Overt hostility
3 Nudes
Here are the number of states candidates win when only Grindr votes.
Hillary Clinton: 42 (6 as part of a tie)
Donald Trump: 13 (7 as part of a tie)
Bernie Sanders: 3 (3 as part of a tie)
Jill Stein: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Evan McMullin: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Deez Nuts: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Beyoncé: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Ronald Reagan: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
″A giant meteor”: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
″My big fat cock”: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Gary Johnson: 0
In the electoral college, this should translate into the following numbers of electoral votes. When dealing with ties, electors are divided evenly between candidates.
Hillary Clinton: 472.167
Donald Trump: 46.667
Bernie Sanders: 4.5
Beyoncé: 3.5
Jill Stein: 2.667
Evan McMullin: 2
Ronald Reagan: 2
“A giant meteor”: 2
“My big fat cock”: 1.5
Deez Nuts: 1
Finally, here is the electoral map, according to Grindr.
Hillary Clinton comfortably clears her target of 270 electoral votes, and the Democrats are re-elected. Grindr is, for once, with her.