Grindr users on the 2016 US election

The United States is about to elect a new president. I’ve previously polled UK Grindr users on Scottish independence, the 2015 general election, and Brexit. This time, I decided to poll US Grindr users on who they think should be leading their country.

The following is a representative sample of the replies.

(Identifiable faces have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, CumDump slave. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
CumDump slave: Hilary
Me: Good afternoon, truck sex. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
truck sex: Trump
Me: Good evening, need daddy cock. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
need daddy cock: None of your business
Me: Good evening, A Dad 2 Love. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
A Dad 2 Love: The only one who is worth a damn.
Me: Which one is that, A Dad 2 Love?
A Dad 2 Love: Donald J. Trump
Me: Good afternoon, Cocksucker4u. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Cocksucker4u: Hillary of course. That fucking psychotic orange disgusting ignorant trash Trump is a joke and shouldn't even be free he should be behind bars
Me: Good morning, Workout bud?. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Workout bud?: None. Bernie but he isn't around. Jill Stein if she wasn't a dumbass
Me: Good evening, Liberal. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Liberal: I'm a Bernie supporter, but I will vote for Hillary on this occasion. It's a lot more than my wants and aspirations, it's for the people who depend on my vote.
Me: Good afternoon, DoYouNeedATrim?. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
DoYouNeedATrim?: Show me your cock and I'll tell you
Me: Good evening, Cravn2suck. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Cravn2suck: That's personal
Me: Good morning, BlowPureManMeat. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
BlowPureManMeat: Clinton ! Trump is a MANIAC , wants to start a nuclear war.
Me: Good afternoon, bi top. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
bi top: haha. trump
if killary wins america will be a pile of rocks covered in goat shit within years.
just take your dildo back to your safe zone.
Me: Good afternoon, NewAmericana🐙. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
NewAmericana🐙: Neiher. There both dumb
Me: Good afternoon, chill guy. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
chill guy: Going for Johnson
Me: Good morning, seed me. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
seed me: I not in here for that
Me: Good afternoon, LetMeMasageU. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
LetMeMasageU: Because I'm a self respecting gay man that doesn't support the Republican party and tax dollars going to 'gay conversion therapy'  my vote is for Hillary. Although that is but one of many reasons.
Me: Good evening, MyBallsRfull. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
MyBallsRfull: I'm going to write Mickey mouse in on the ballot. Hes more qualified than either of the two morons running.
Me: Good evening, luvsucingdic. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
luvsucingdic: Hillary Clinton. I don't drive and can't host. I prefer to suck some well endowed HARD cock.
Me: Good morning, Mouthfucker XL. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Mouthfucker XL: Not ur busssiness! !!
Mouthfucker XL: [picture of himself in underpants]
Me: Good afternoon, Jarod. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Jarod: Eeeeh
Jarod: I don't support either of them honestly
Jarod: I chose trump over hillary, but I hate both of them
Jarod: Hillary did do all of those horrible email and classified information scanals plus she surely had a hand in the Benghazi situation
Jarod: It was stupid vs evil
Jarod: And stupid can be vetoed by congress
Me: Good evening, spooky wooky. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
spooky wooky: evening to you too and i support neither but i refuse to see a rapist oompa loompa take the helm so i'm voting for hil and selling a portion of my soul. yes?
Me: Good morning, Steven Universe. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Steven Universe: Hmmm, I dunno, garnet doesn't like either and pearl is supporting Hillary because she's qualified. But since I'm a kid and I can't vote I'll vote for Hillary since she's a super mom. 😆
Me: Good afternoon, Ricancocksucker. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Ricancocksucker: Im looking to suck dick not talk about politics
Me: Good afternoon, Suck n swallow. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Suck n swallow: This election not voting for any of those jackasses!!!! They both are just an embarrassment to our great nation. This election is like a Circus and the world is just laughing at us. Our founding fathers must be turning in their graves right now. I am sick of
all the commercials and the attacks!!!
Me: Good evening, A Jill Sandvich. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
A Jill Sandvich: This gun pointed at my I can pull the trigger to if I can never get off this fucking roller coaster
A Jill Sandvich: At my head*
Me: Good morning, 2016 horny. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
2016 horny: Green Party
Me: Thank you for your input, 2016 horny.
2016 horny: I am
2016 horny: You looking
Me: Good afernoon, need head. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
need head: Trump all the way baby
Me: Thank you for your input, need head.
need head: Yea i need head where r u
Me: Good morning, Lick my feet. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
Lick my feet: U wanna suck me
Me: That's not an option on my ballot, Lick my feet.
Lick my feet: Ok where are u im not on here  to talk abiut the election ok
Me: Thank you anyway, Lick my feet.
Lick my feet: Where are u and send pics of feet
Me: Good evening, NO ASS PICS!!!. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
NO ASS PICS!!!: Very difficult question but Hillary
Me: Thank you for your input, NO ASS PICS!!!.
NO ASS PICS!!!: I don't like how u keep calling me that
Me: Good afternoon, bubblebootybtm. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
bubblebootybtm: [a photo of his bubble booty]
bubblebootybtm: Send a dick pic
Me: Good afternoon, CHANGES. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
CHANGES: Send a pic
Me: [a photo of Donald Trump]
Me: [a photo of Hillary Clinton]
CHANGES: I meant of you
Me: Good afternoon, I want tops. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
I want tops: Hot
I want tops: You have big cock
Me: It's nice of you to say so, I want tops.
I want tops: I want a big top muscular , big clock, and duck me delicious
I want tops: You can
Me: That's not an option on the ballot, I want tops.
I want tops: Huh
Me: Good afternoon, RimMeUhost. Which candidate are you supporting in the forthcoming presidential election?
RimMeUhost: My big fat cock

For every state, I aimed for a number of responses equivalent to each state’s number of presidential electors – from 55 for California to 3 for Delaware, Vermont, Alaska etc. A few fell a little short as I was banned (my 10th Grindr ban to date) just before I could finish, though most matched or exceeded the target. The number next to each state is the number of responses I received, though the percentages are only taken from the responses that can reasonably be interpreted as a decisive answer – undecided voters, non-voters, and evasive responses are listed separately. Major candidates who received 0 votes are also listed.

CALIFORNIA: 53

68% (21)    Hillary Clinton
6% (2)        Donald Trump
6% (2)        Bernie Sanders
6% (2)        “Yo momma”
3% (1)        Gary Johnson
3% (1)        Barack Obama
3% (1)        John F. Kennedy
3% (1)        “Myself”

0% (0)        Jill Stein

2                Undecided
4                None of the above
3                Not eligible to vote
13              Evasive or unclear responses

102            Did not respond

TEXAS: 37

57% (8)    Hillary Clinton
14% (2)    Donald Trump
7% (1)      Jill Stein
7% (1)      Cthulhu
7% (1)      Harambe
7% (1)      “Myself”

0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Undecided
3               None of the above
1               Not eligible to vote
18             Evasive or unclear responses

52             Did not respond

 

NEW YORK: 29

64% (9)    Hillary Clinton
14% (2)    Donald Trump
7% (1)      Jill Stein
7% (1)      Deez Nuts
7% (1)      Mighty Mouse

0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3               Undecided
2               None of the above
1               Not eligible to vote
9               Evasive or unclear responses

38             Did not respond

 

FLORIDA: 29

62% (8)    Hillary Clinton
23% (3)    Donald Trump
8% (1)      Vermin Supreme
8% (1)      “Myself”

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Undecided
3               None of the above
1               Not eligible to vote
11             Evasive or unclear responses

34             Did not respond

ILLINOIS: 20

75% (6)    Hillary Clinton
13% (1)    Donald Trump
13% (1)    Patti LuPone

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               None of the above
1               Not eligible to vote
9               Evasive or unclear responses

24             Did not respond

 

PENNSYLVANIA: 20

78% (7)    Hillary Clinton
11% (1)    Gary Johnson
11% (1)    Prince

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein

2              None of the above
9              Evasive or unclear responses

20            Did not respond

OHIO: 18

55% (6)    Hillary Clinton
27% (3)    Donald Trump
9% (1)      “Myself”
9% (1)      “This dick”

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3               None of the above
4               Evasive or unclear responses

24             Did not respond

GEORGIA: 18

43% (3)    Hillary Clinton
43% (3)    Donald Trump
14% (1)    Jill Stein

0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               Undecided
2               None of the above
7               Evasive or unclear responses

15             Did not respond

MICHIGAN: 18

67% (4)    Hillary Clinton
33% (2)    Donald Trump

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3              None of the above
9              Evasive or unclear responses

19            Did not respond

NORTH CAROLINA: 15

100% (8)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                Undecided
6                Evasive or unclear responses

38              Did not respond

 

NEW JERSEY: 14

60% (6)    Hillary Clinton
10% (1)    Jill Stein
10% (1)    Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop
10% (1)    “Jesus”
10% (1)    “Myself”

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

4               Evasive or unclear responses

19             Did not respond

VIRGINIA: 13

50% (3)    Hillary Clinton
33% (2)    Donald Trump
17% (1)    Gary Johnson

0% (0)      Jill Stein

1               Undecided
6               Evasive or unclear responses

22             Did not respond

WASHINGTON: 13

71% (5)    Hillary Clinton
29% (2)    Donald Trump

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

6              Evasive or unclear responses

12            Did not respond

 

ARIZONA: 15

100% (7)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

2               Undecided
3               None of the above
1               Not eligible to vote
2               Evasive or unclear responses

14             Did not respond

TENNESSEE: 14

57% (4)    Hillary Clinton
29% (2)    Donald Trump
14% (1)    Eric Andre

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Undecided
4               None of the above
2               Evasive or unclear responses

15             Did not respond

INDIANA: 12

44% (4)    Hillary Clinton
33% (3)    Donald Trump
11% (1)    Bernie Sanders
11% (1)    Mickey Mouse

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3              Evasive or unclear responses

14            Did not respond

MASSACHUSETTS: 12

57% (4)    Hillary Clinton
14% (1)    Gary Johnson
14% (1)    Vladimir Putin
14% (1)    “Myself”

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein

2              None of the above
3              Evasive or unclear responses

13            Did not respond

 

WISCONSIN: 14

88% (7)    Hillary Clinton
13% (1)    Jill Stein

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

6              Evasive or unclear responses

7              Did not respond

MARYLAND: 10

71% (5)    Hillary Clinton
14% (1)    Donald Trump
14% (1)    Katya

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3              Evasive or unclear responses

15            Did not respond

MISSOURI: 10

71% (5)    Hillary Clinton
29% (2)    Donald Trump

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              None of the above
2              Evasive or unclear responses

13            Did not respond

MINNESOTA: 9

50% (3)    Hillary Clinton
17% (1)    Donald Trump
17% (1)    Jill Stein
17% (1)    Gary Johnson

1              Undecided
1              None of the above
1              Evasive or unclear responses

18            Did not respond

 

ALABAMA: 11

83% (5)    Hillary Clinton
17% (1)    Jill Stein

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               None of the above
3               Evasive or unclear responses

7               Did not respond

COLORADO: 10

60% (3)    Hillary Clinton
20% (1)    Donald Trump
20% (1)    “Space raptors”

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Undecided
2               None of the above
2               Evasive or unclear responses

12             Did not respond

 

SOUTH CAROLINA: 9

83% (5)    Hillary Clinton
17% (1)    Donald Trump

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3               Evasive or unclear responses

7               Did not respond

 

KENTUCKY: 9

100% (5)    Hillary Clinton

0% (0)        Donald Trump
0% (0)        Jill Stein
0% (0)        Gary Johnson

1                None of the above
3                Evasive or unclear responses

13              Did not respond

 

LOUISIANA: 9

33% (1)    Hillary Clinton
33% (1)    Donald Trump
33% (1)    Jill Stein

0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               None of the above
4               Evasive or unclear responses

13             Did not respond

 

OKLAHOMA: 8

83% (5*)    Hillary Clinton
17% (1*)    Donald Trump

*one respondent was actually a couple who were separately supporting Clinton and Trump. They are counted as votes for both.

0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1               None of the above
2               Evasive or unclear responses

11             Did not respond

OREGON: 8

50% (4)    Hillary Clinton
13% (1)    Jill Stein

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3              None of the above

7              Did not respond

CONNECTICUT: 7

50% (1)    Hillary Clinton
50% (1)    Beyoncé

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              Undecided
1              None of the above
3              Evasive or unclear responses

15            Did not respond

IOWA: 9

40% (2)    Donald Trump
20% (1)    Hillary Clinton
20% (1)    Jill Stein
20% (1)    Cthulhu

0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              Not eligible to vote
3              Evasive or unclear responses

10            Did not respond

ARKANSAS: 7

67% (2)    Hillary Clinton
33% (1)    Mickey Mouse

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              None of the above
3              Evasive or unclear responses

9              Did not respond

 

NEVADA: 6

33% (1)    Hillary Clinton
33% (1)    Donald Trump
33% (1)    “A giant meteor”

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              None of the above
2              Evasive or unclear responses

8              Did not respond

UTAH: 6

33% (1)    Donald Trump
33% (1)    Evan McMullin
33% (1)    Bernie Sanders

0% (0)      Hillary Clinton
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2              None of the above
1              Evasive or unclear responses

7              Did not respond

KANSAS: 6

67% (2)    Donald Trump
33% (1)    Hillary Clinton

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

3               Evasive or unclear responses

6               Did not respond

MISSISSIPPI: 6

33% (1)    Hillary Clinton
33% (1)    Donald Trump
33% (1)    Ronald Reagan

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2              None of the above
1              Evasive or unclear responses

6              Did not respond

 

WEST VIRGINIA: 7

80% (4)    Donald Trump
20% (1)    Hillary Clinton

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1              Undecided
1              Evasive or unclear responses

2              Did not respond

 

NEBRASKA: 6

60% (3)    Hillary Clinton
20% (1)    Donald Trump
20% (1)    Don Bacon

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Evasive or unclear responses

5               Did not respond

NEW MEXICO: 6

75% (3)    Hillary Clinton
25% (1)    Gary Johnson

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein

2              Evasive or unclear responses

4              Did not respond

 

HAWAII: 6

50% (2)    Hillary Clinton
25% (1)    Donald Trump
25% (1)    “Yo momma”

0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               None of the above

7               Did not respond

 

RHODE ISLAND: 5

100% (2)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                None of the above
2                Evasive or unclear responses

10              Did not respond

 

MAINE: 5

100% (3)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

2                None of the above

6                Did not respond

 

NEW HAMPSHIRE: 5

100% (3)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

2                Evasive or unclear responses

2                Did not respond

IDAHO: 4

100% (1)    Donald Trump

0% (0)        Hillary Clinton
0% (0)        Jill Stein
0% (0)        Gary Johnson

1                 None of the above
2                 Evasive or unclear responses

3                 Did not respond

 

VERMONT: 4

50% (1)    Donald Trump
50% (1)    Bernie Sanders

0% (0)      Hillary Clinton
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Undecided
1               Evasive or unclear responses

6               Did not respond

 

DELAWARE: 4

50% (1)    Donald Trump
50% (1)    “My big fat cock”

0% (0)      Hillary Clinton
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

2               Evasive or unclear responses

5               Did not respond

 

ALASKA: 4

33% (1)    Hillary Clinton
33% (1)    Bernie Sanders
33% (1)    Deez Nuts

0% (0)      Donald Trump
0% (0)      Jill Stein
0% (0)      Gary Johnson

1               Evasive or unclear responses

0               Did not respond

 

SOUTH DAKOTA: 3

100% (2)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                None of the above

1                Did not respond

 

NORTH DAKOTA: 2

100% (2)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                Did not respond

 

WYOMING: 2

100% (2)   Donald Trump

0% (0)       Hillary Clinton
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                Did not respond

 

MONTANA: 1

100% (1)   Donald Trump

0% (0)       Hillary Clinton
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

8                Did not respond

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.: 2

100% (1)   Hillary Clinton

0% (0)       Donald Trump
0% (0)       Jill Stein
0% (0)       Gary Johnson

1                Evasive or unclear responses

3                Did not respond

 

The overall US-wide vote is as follows.

63.25% (191)    Hillary Clinton
17.88% (54)      Donald Trump
3.31% (10)        Jill Stein
1.99% (6)          Gary Johnson
1.99% (6)          Bernie Sanders
0.99% (3)          “Yo momma”
0.66% (2)          Deez Nuts
0.66% (2)          Cthulhu
0.66% (2)          Mickey Mouse
0.33% (1)          Evan McMullin
0.33% (1)          Vermin Supreme
0.33% (1)          Don Bacon
0.33% (1)          Barack Obama
0.33% (1)          John F. Kennedy
0.33% (1)          Ronald Reagan
0.33% (1)          Vladimir Putin
0.33% (1)          Eric Andre
0.33% (1)          Beyoncé
0.33% (1)          Harambe
0.33% (1)          Mighty Mouse
0.33% (1)          Patti LuPone
0.33% (1)          Prince
0.33% (1)          Cardi B from Love & Hip Hop
0.33% (1)          Jesus
0.33% (1)          Katya
0.33% (1)          “Space raptors”
0.33% (1)          “A giant meteor”

In addition, 1.99% (6) voted for “Myself”, although these aren’t lumped together as they refer to separate individuals – namely, “WOOF!”, “MiamiLatino”, “nICE GUY!!!!!”, “2017 ready now”, “no pic don’t”, and “DatFckboi”. 0.66% (2) also voted for their own penis – 4 if we count pictures of a respondent’s penis as an actual answer to the poll.

Not counted towards the percentage are the following responses:

19                Undecided
60                None of the above
9                  Not eligible to vote
181              Evasive or unclear responses

“Evasive or unclear responses” can be roughly divided as follows:

55                Miscellaneous evasion
41                Explicitly declined to answer, “none of your business” etc
25                Irrelevant or incomprehensible
18               Too horny to engage politically
13               Total bewilderment
12               “Anyone but…” (10 Trump, 2 Clinton, 1 Johnson, 1 Stein)
7                 Overt hostility
3                 Nudes

Here are the number of states candidates win when only Grindr votes.

Hillary Clinton: 42 (6 as part of a tie)
Donald Trump: 13 (7 as part of a tie)
Bernie Sanders: 3 (3 as part of a tie)
Jill Stein: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Evan McMullin: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Deez Nuts: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Beyoncé: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Ronald Reagan: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
″A giant meteor”: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
″My big fat cock”: 1 (1 as part of a tie)
Gary Johnson: 0

In the electoral college, this should translate into the following numbers of electoral votes. When dealing with ties, electors are divided evenly between candidates.

Hillary Clinton: 472.167
Donald Trump: 46.667
Bernie Sanders: 4.5
Beyoncé: 3.5
Jill Stein: 2.667
Evan McMullin: 2
Ronald Reagan: 2
“A giant meteor”: 2
“My big fat cock”: 1.5
Deez Nuts: 1

Finally, here is the electoral map, according to Grindr.

An image representation of the results I've just told you. It's very blue.

Hillary Clinton comfortably clears her target of 270 electoral votes, and the Democrats are re-elected. Grindr is, for once, with her.

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