Scottish Grindr users on the 2019 European election

On 23 May 2019, member states of the European Union will elect MEPs to the European Parliament. Despite its best efforts, the United Kingdom is still an EU member state, and will be participating.

I’ve previously polled Grindr users on BrexitScottish independence, the 2016 US election, the 2015 UK general election in Scotland and in Wales, and the 2017 election in Scotland and in England. This time, I asked 1,024 Grindr users across the Central Belt of Scotland, in and around Edinburgh and Glasgow, who they’re supporting in this year’s European election.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Identifiable faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, NeedFilled. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
NeedFilled: The party that promises to let me have your cock in my ass tonight
Me: Good evening, Skinnt teeen. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Skinnt teeen: Snp mother fucker
Me: Good evening, Milker/Edger. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Milker/Edger: Change UK
Me: Good evening, 🐮MoooManMilk🐄. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: X
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: Oops typo lol
🐮MoooManMilk🐄: The brexit party of course n morning just got ur message
Me: Good morning, fuck my throat. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
fuck my throat: Bit personal
Me: Good evening, Young Sub. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Young Sub: Not too sure yet, possibly the Lib Dems
Me: Thank you for your input, Young Sub.
Young Sub: Why does it matter haha
Me: Our votes could have pan-European implications, Young Sub.
Young Sub: I mean I support Brexit if that's what you're asking and no that does not by any implication make me right wing, I'm a centre-left libertarian
Daddy visiting: Hello
Me: Hello, Daddy visiting. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Daddy visiting: Ukip
Me: Thank you for your input, Daddy visiting.
Daddy visiting: Ha ha. I'm a remained but feel abandoned by the other parties
Me: Good evening, Salt Spreading. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Salt Spreading: Wtf
Me: Are you undecided, Salt Spreading?
Salt Spreading: No.
Salt Spreading: Do you want something else? 🤷
Me: No, Salt Spreading, this is about the extent of it.
Salt Spreading: European elections? Good luck with that chat
Visiting4fun: Hi
Me: Hi, Visiting4fun. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Visiting4fun: Usually vote Tory (ducks!)
Visiting4fun: Not sure that says much in this election.
Me: Are the Conservatives particularly unpalatable to you in this specific election?
Visiting4fun: Not doing so well on the negotiating brexit thing.
Me: Is there a party you believe would do a better job?
Visiting4fun: No. I think the PM is in an impossible position
Me: Good evening, Sexy muscle dad. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Sexy muscle dad: Why are you asking any one that supports social justice fair wage a clamp down on corporate control of the market place and government
Me: Which party do you believe most supports social justice, a fair wage, and a clampdown on corporate control of the marketplace and government?
Sexy muscle dad: Jeremy Corban
Me: Good evening, Brandon. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Brandon: Heyhey
Brandon: Green probably
Brandon: Usually SNP but their shit response to the transphobia in their party lately has put me off
Me: Good evening, R. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
R: Good question
R: Lib Dem's
R: You?
Me: I remain undecided for the time being. Thank you for your input, R.
R: You're welcome
R: Happy to offer reasons if you want
R: Good luck in your deciding
Me: What are your reasons, R?
R: Well mostly I want to send a strong pro-Remain message but I'm not a nationalist so wouldn't want to vote for the SNP or the Greens, and Labour have been trying to ride both horses on Brexit so I don't trust them
Craig: Hi
Me: Good afternoon, Craig. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Craig: Haven't a clue yourself?
Me: I am also undecided, Craig. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Craig: Why don't you bend over and let me fuck you and we can talk whilst I am in you.
Me: Good evening, hot and sweaty. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
hot and sweaty: Upcoming elections are a farce, this country will be dragged kicking and screaming from the EU because of the right wing gov
Me: Good evening, Kinky Perve. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Kinky Perve: Straight into the really dark kinky stuff hey?
Kinky Perve: Undecided at the moment. How about you? Do you have a favourite? Or maybe least worst?
Me: I am also undecided, Kinky Perve. Only Grindr can help me resolve this.
Kinky Perve: Not blue. Maybe red. Maybe green? Is this a purple? Or is that ShitKip? Yellows are a bit meh. Not much on the leaflet through the door from Change. Then one of them changed his mind didn't he. I just want Kathy Burke to win.
Grindr user: Wanna get pants at your ankles?
Me: Not right now, Grindr user, but thank you for the offer. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Grindr user: Will spoil my ballot
Grindr user: No options for me
Grindr user: Aresholes
birthday: Looking for a dark room bj
Me: Thank you for letting me know, birthday. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
birthday: SNP. You?
Me: Undecided, but quite possibly the same. Thank you for your input, birthday.
birthday: You're welcome. I voted for indy, but based on the stupidity of the Westminster system and those on offer. I'll do the same until things change
Me: Good evening, I Suk U Now GH. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
I Suk U Now GH: The party that shoot hot cum in my mouth 😉
Me: Good evening, SLAVE 2 f*ck. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
SLAVE 2 f*ck: an anti Brexit one
Me: Do you have a specific anti-Brexit party in mind?
SLAVE 2 f*ck: not finally decided till i read their manifestos
Me: A sensible position to take, SLAVE 2 f*ck.
SLAVE 2 f*ck: much easier to decide which parties not to vote for
Me: Good morning, need - fuked!. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
need - fuked!: ??? Erm.... it's nearly 6am on a sat morning. Been partying all night and thats the very last question I want to hear lol
Me: Would you prefer to hear the question at a different time?
need - fuked!: I would prefer not to hear the question at all.
Me: Good evening, 8' for Trans. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
8' for Trans: My views are right wing so guess 😂
Me: The parties on the ballot that are generally characterised as right-wing are:
• Conservative and Unionist Party
• The Brexit Party
• UK Independence Party (UKIP)
8' for Trans: Brexit party, love my boi farage 😂
Me: Thank you for your input, 8' for Trans.
8' for Trans: No problem
8' for Trans: I may have right wing views, but i love a girly smooth t girl on my dick
Me: Good evening, Ben need to suk. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Ben need to suk: I'm voting for the who the fuck cares anymore party.the country is fucked now anyway
Me: Good morning, totally decent. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
totally decent: My own business . Sorry
Me: Thank you anyway, totally decent.
totally decent: Strange place and way to run a poll
totally decent: Not angry more just annoyed.
Me: Good evening, bottomuseme. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
bottomuseme: SNP
Me: Thank you for your input, bottomuseme.
bottomuseme: That's ok what party you supporting,wish you were putting it in me lol
Me: I remain undecided for the time being, bottomuseme, but the SNP are certainly in contention.
bottomuseme: Time to get rid of London,they're black hole has to be same as hours if indeed there is one,we are one of the richest countries in world,it's time people stopped listening to British lies,and become a nation at heart of Europe,not part of 300 years of poverty for some people because of London greedy government
Me: Good evening, watch U cm. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
watch U cm: The party in your pants
watch U cm: Let's see you
Me: Good evening, pick up an fuck. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
pick up an fuck: Who the fuck asks that on Grindr?
Me: Me, pick up an fuck.
pick up an fuck: What are you voting?
Me: I am undecided for the time being, pick up an fuck.
pick up an fuck: Why do you keep repeating that?
Me: Good evening, drunk/horny. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
drunk/horny: What
Me: Countries of the EU are electing MEPs to the European Parliament in 7 days' time, drunk/horny.
drunk/horny: I know that but what that got to do with u being drunk an horny
Me: Good morning, hot ass. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
hot ass: [a photo of his ass]
Me: Is that on the ballot, hot ass?
hot ass: Yes
Me: Good evening, EXTRACT UR C#M. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
EXTRACT UR C#M: Who fucking cares
Me: Europe cares, EXTRACT UR C#M.
EXTRACT UR C#M: Reported you
Me: Good evening, Hung 4 Younger. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Hung 4 Younger: None of them .  I've given up politics in despair.
Hung 4 Younger:  ( I haven't given up sucking a nice cock though ......)
Me: Good morning, Chris. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
Chris: No idea
Me: Thank you anyway, Chris.
Chris: I didn't realise there was an election
Me: It's on May 23, Chris.
Chris: Ok
Chris: Thanks for letting me know
Me: You're welcome, Chris.
Chris: But I'm on here looking for sex
Me: Good evening, vagrant. Which party are you supporting in the forthcoming European election?
vagrant: None its meaningless shit that normal people couldn't give on tiny shit about
vagrant: Being under 50
Me: Thank you anyway, vagrant.
vagrant: I swear if that end up online again like last time

STATISTICS:

Of the 1,024 users I questioned, 406 responses were counted. 133 of these users settled on a party or candidate. Here are their results:

48.0% (60)Scottish National Party (SNP)
18.4% (23)Scottish Green Party
10.4% (13)The Brexit Party
8.8% (11)
Liberal Democrats
5.6% (7)Conservative and Unionist Party
4.8% (6)
Labour Party
2.4% (3)UK Independence Party (UKIP)
1.6% (2)Change UK – The Independent Group

In addition, some votes were received for parties and candidates who are not on the Scottish ballot. These were:

2Unidas Podemos
2Lord Buckethead
1Monster Raving Loony Party
1German Green Party
1Die Linke
1Democracy for Europe (DiEM25)

A further 273 users responded, but did not settle on a party.

46 were undecided, and could not be swayed to pick a favourite.

Some voters who were undecided, or unwilling to express support for one specific party over the others, still gave some indication of their preferences:

7Any nominally Remain-supporting/anti-Brexit party
2Green, Lib Dem, or SNP
2Green or SNP
2Anything but The Brexit Party
1Change UK or Labour
1Change UK or Lib Dem
1Green or Labour
1Green or Lib Dem
1Lib Dem or SNP
1Anything but Conservative
1Anything but SNP

In any case where a Grindr user was undecided on their final vote, but still able to pick a favourite party, they were counted towards that party’s tally. However, I also noted their second preferences.

  • 7 SNP supporters are also considering voting Green.
  • 1 Lib Dem supporter is also considering voting Green.
  • 1 SNP supporter is also considering voting Lib Dem.
  • 1 Brexit supporter is also considering voting UKIP.


44 polled do not support any party, or stated that they were not going to vote. This includes 1 respondent who intends to spoil their ballot.

27 are not eligible to vote. Of those who gave reasons, 17 are not European citizens, 5 are travelling or busy on election day and unable to arrange a postal or proxy vote, 3 missed the registration deadline, and 1 is underage.

Other responses can be roughly categorised as follows:

27Miscellaneous evasion
22Explicitly declined to answer
18Too horny to engage politically
17General bewilderment
14Lack of interest
13Cryptic or incomprehensible
10Comedy answers ("S Club", "Jedi", "my own ass" etc.)
8Just replying “hi” or “hello” or something, ignoring the opening question, and proceeding to attempt a conversation like it was never asked
6General hostility
6Unaware there was an election happening
5Just laughed at me
5General nihilism (what's the point, we're all fucked etc.)
5Thought I was talking about Eurovision

Finally, let’s go back to the parties’ votes and calculate how they’d equate to MEPs. In European Parliament elections, the UK uses the D’Hondt system, in which each seat is given to the party with the greatest number of votes, divided by one plus the number of those already allocated to that party. Each MEP would be as follows:

60SNPMEP #1: Alyn Smith, the SNP’s 1st candidate.
23Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

30 (60/2)SNPMEP #2: Christian Allard, the SNP’s 2nd candidate.
23Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

20 (60/3)SNP
23GreenMEP #3: Maggie Chapman, the Greens’ 1st candidate.
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

20 (60/3)SNPMEP #4: Aileen Macleod, the SNP’s 3rd candidate.
11.5 (23/2)Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

15 (60/4)SNPMEP #5: Margaret Ferrier, the SNP’s 4th candidate.
11.5 (23/2)Green
13Brexit
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

12 (60/5)SNP
11.5 (23/2)Green
13BrexitMEP #6: Louis Stedman-Bryce, the Brexit Party’s 1st candidate.
11Lib Dem
7Conservative
6Labour
3UKIP
2CHUKTIG

If only Grindr users vote on May 23, Scotland will elect 4 SNP MEPs, 1 Green MEP, and 1 Brexit MEP.

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