Scottish Grindr users on the 2021 Holyrood election

On 6 May 2021, the Scottish Parliament will hold its sixth election. I’ve previously polled Scottish Grindr users on independence in 2014, Brexit in 2016, the European election of 2019, and the general elections of 2015, 2017, and 2019. (I also conducted polls for those elections in Wales, London, and London, respectively, plus 2 polls in the United States for their 2016 and 2020 presidential elections.) This time, I asked 992 Grindr users across Scotland who they’re electing to Holyrood.

The following is a sample of the replies.

(Faces in profile pictures have been censored.)

Me: Good evening, Throat f**k me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Throat f**k me: Excuse me?

Me: Good morning, Glory H. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Glory H: SNP hen

Me: Good afternoon, No snowflakes x. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? No snowflakes x: Tories

Me: Good evening, Degrade me. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Degrade me: Lib Dem's

Me: Good afternoon, WorshipMe. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? WorshipMe: The only party anyone should vote for WorshipMe: Alba WorshipMe: Jk of course WorshipMe: SNP all the way

Me: Good morning, James Glasgow. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? James Glasgow: Wat. I'm here for cock not fannies

Me: Good evening, Andrew. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Andrew: SNP/Green, boyo :P Andrew: Let me know if there are any cute Tories so I can avoid them

Me: Good afternoon, Dark Paradise. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Dark Paradise: Um Dark Paradise: What do u suggest? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Dark Paradise: See when i finish my exams im gonna start searching it Dark Paradise: Like snp and conservatives are good Dark Paradise: I think Scotland should start like work together with England Dark Paradise: So it gathers power after the pandemic

Me: Good morning, Bi & horny. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Bi & horny: None cuz their all lying scum bags and most of them are dirty pedos

Me: Good evening, 9 inches. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 9 inches: Ehhh what you on about? Me: I'm on about the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election. 9 inches: And what would I care about the Scottish parliament and want to talk about on a gay fuck-me app. I think you need better chat up lines mate

Me: Good morning, doocateh. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? doocateh: That's a very strange question for this kind of site and I would rather keep my views to myself tbh all I'm looking for is COCK and some fun not to say what party I am voting for

Me: Good morning, Bi Ginger Guy. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Bi Ginger Guy: I've found it best to avoid politics on grindr over the years. Otherwise it just ends up causing a stooshie Me: Thank you anyway, Bi Ginger Guy. Bi Ginger Guy: No worries man. It's definitely better than everyone asking to fuck or about how gingers apparently have big *****. Bi Ginger Guy: Which gets annoying

Me: Good afternoon, AzzRealSub. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? AzzRealSub: What the fuck AzzRealSub: 1) none of your business 2) this isn't the place for canvassing 3) spam not welcome 4) reported

Me: Good evening, 10" Dom Top. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 10" Dom Top: Honestly, with the current state of political discourse, is there a party worth supporting? An SNP intend on destroying freedom, and rampantly corrupt and inept. A Tory party that is led by a puppet. A Labour Party that doesn't know why it exists. A Green Party that shelters the most heinous and bizarre weirdos and the Liberal Democrat's who are just illiberal and undemocratic. No, thanks.

Me: Good morning, High AF man. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? High AF man: Piss off Me: Thank you anyway, High AF man. High AF man: Anytime. Show me ur cock il tel lye

Me: Good evening, Saryn Prime. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Saryn Prime: Hey! I vote green. Im all for legalisation of cannabis especially for medicinal purposes and for sex workers to be fully supported and try to reduce the stigma around it. Saryn Prime: Plus, theres no fucking way im voting Tory. But if it wasnt green, probably snp/labour Saryn Prime: I'm not Scottish, but i absolutely agree england is fucking shit and scotland should have the ability to be their own country. Especially if theres a chance of joing the EU

Me: Good afternoon, Snap Fun?. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Snap Fun?: SNP I guess Snap Fun?: Maybe alba for second vote Snap Fun?: Definitely not lib Dems, Tory or labour. Snap Fun?: Yeah most likely SNP/Alba Do you need any more? What about you? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Snap Fun?. Snap Fun?: I don't think this is a good place to get info Snap Fun?: I've found a lot of gay men are Tories. Snap Fun?: You may get skewed data Snap Fun?: You should break it down to the main issues and see what parties side with your views. Don't let anyone else influence your vote Snap Fun?: Independence yes or no Covid recovery views How important green issues are to you What you think needs done with education and health Policing issues Equality Ignore the following topics as they have nothing to do with the Scottish elections despite the fact some people will talk about them. Immigration Brexit Trade Foreign relations Drug policy Snap Fun?: Oh one more thing. You absolutely do not have to vote for the same party on both ballots. They will of course tell you to, but you don't need to. It's entirely your choice. In general the first vote is more directly reflecting on who you want to represent you. The second vote, often call the list vote, usually supports smaller or weaker parties.

Me: Good evening, Footfetish 🧦👣. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Footfetish 🧦👣: Dunno Me: Do you have any preference at this stage? Footfetish 🧦👣: Nope Me: Thank you anyway, Footfetish 🧦👣. Footfetish 🧦👣: Thanks u got smelly feet

Me: Good evening, want my h0le. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? want my h0le: shut the fuck up dobber Me: Thank you anyway, want my h0le. want my h0le: naw

Me: Good morning, Top 4 Fun. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Top 4 Fun: Tricky question, SNP for independence, Libdems for sense, Labour for Soul, Tories for dosh,Alex for er Alex,Green for the world. Lol Prob SNP,u? Me: I am undecided. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Me: Thank you for your input, Top 4 Fun. Top 4 Fun: SNP mucked it up with the Salmond case. And a referendum is not what we need right now. But why shouldn't we make a go of it .We would be OK but not with stupid socialist ideas, we need to be financially astute.

Me: Good afternoon, Isolation chat. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Isolation chat: Why do you ask, side hustle in canvassing? Me: Well, nobody pays me. Isolation chat: Fair. I'm strongly left of centre, traditionally a labour voter, though I have voted LibDem (I had hoped the 2010 coalition would've brought voting reform, which I think is badly needed) I like a lot of the SNP progressive policies, and completely understand why many Scots would like to leave the uk, probably for the same reason I'd like Scotland to stay - to stop England slipping further Hard Isolation chat: Right and to push for going reform and greater devolution of power from London

Me: Good evening, Horny in dale. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Horny in dale: Well as a SNP member for years you decide Me: Thank you for your input, Horny in dale. Horny in dale: Let me suck your dick Horny in dale: No??? Me: Not right now, Mr dale, but thank you anyway. Horny in dale: Nah coz yer a arsehole Horny in dale: So which party are you supporting in the forthcoming elections Me: I am undecided, Horny. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Horny in dale: SNP, all the way any other party is treacherous against your country

Me: Good morning, X gets you hard. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? X gets you hard: Any one except the SNP X gets you hard: [photo of his dick that I've censored] X gets you hard: [photo of his dick that I've censored] Me: Do you have any particular non-SNP parties in mind? X gets you hard: Conservative

Me: Good evening, 8" Forfar. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 8" Forfar: Fucks it to u Me: I have an insatiable parliamentary politics fetish. 8" Forfar: Strange cunt

Me: Good morning, 7 day load 💦. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? 7 day load 💦: The Cum Party Me: Are they on the ballot? 7 day load 💦: Fucking hope so Me: Thank you for your input, 7 day load 💦. 7 day load 💦: Actually 8 today

Me: Good evening, D. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? D: I haven't decided yet. Me: Do you have any preference at this stage? D: Lib Dem's or SNP maybe D: Defo not tori Me: [photo of Tori Amos holding a shotgun] D: ? Me: That's the singer-songwriter Tori Amos. D: Ok?

Me: Good evening, Sound Lad chill. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Sound Lad chill: None Sound Lad chill: Its all bull shit Me: Thank you anyway, Sound Lad chill. Sound Lad chill: Fuck off you derranged inhumae piece of garbage

Me: Good evening, Motorhead. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Motorhead: Yass I've been poled, ehhhh Scottish Family Party. Motorhead: Nah wait Greens Oh noooooo Motorhead: Misplaced my X 😛 Me: Sorry, Motorhead, your vote for the Scottish Family Party is fixed and immutable. Motorhead: Ahhh fuck. 😆 Guess I better go marry someone like the party demands. Stable Family Life benefits everybody 👍

Me: Good evening, Lost & Found. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Lost & Found: That's for me to know and you to guess Me: Scottish Family Party? Lost & Found: Never heard of them! Me: Animal Welfare Party? Lost & Found: Them as well Lost & Found: You're making these up Me: Abolish the Scottish Parliament Party? Lost & Found: That is made up Me: Communist Party of Britain? Lost & Found: This has already gone on too long

Me: Good morning, its a crotch. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? its a crotch: Well it won't be SNP,or Green,or Libdems, or Alba,unless people support abusers getting away with abuse,so that reduces it somewhat I feel. Me: That reduces it to Conservatives, Labour, Reform UK, UKIP, Libertarian, All for Unity, Abolish the Scottish Parliament, Libertarian, Family, Freedom Alliance, TUSC, Restore Scotland, Scotia Future, Communist, Reclaim, Vanguard, Independence Green Voice, Renew, SDP, Women's Equality, and Animal Welfare. its a crotch: Well will sell my vote like last time to highest offer.Thet are all bent and crooked,but pay cash for no questions asked.

Me: Good evening, horny af now!!!. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? horny af now!!!: 🔵 Me: Conservatives, Alba, Reform UK, All for Unity, and the Abolish the Scottish Parliament party are all represented by the colour blue. Me: Does your blue orb signify any of these? horny af now!!!: 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧 Me: Conservatives, Reform UK, All for Unity, and the Abolish the Scottish Parliament party are all unionist parties represented by the colour blue. Me: Does the combination of a blue orb and several Union Jacks signify any of these? horny af now!!!: This is a strange place to carryout such a poll. Is it not? Me: Yes. horny af now!!!: Clearly an SNP tactic

Me: Good morning, Kinning Park. Which party, or parties, are you supporting in the forthcoming Scottish Parliament election? Kinning Park: Scottish Conservative....cos I enjoy getting fucked! Me: Sound reasoning, Kinning Park. Thank you for your input. Kinning Park: What about you? Me: I'm undecided, Mr Park. Only Grindr can help me resolve this. Kinning Park: Vote Green it's nice, shows you care and nobody will argue with you! Kinning Park: Labour,cos your dad voted Labour Kinning Park: SNP because you don't care if Independence makes us even more skint, cos you're already on your arse. Kinning Park: Lib-Dem cos you're a "Gay" Kinning Park: They all promise the same anyway! Me: I think I'll vote Communist. Kinning Park: Yeah, that works well in China, only country with jobs & money...although it's not the folk working that gets the money! Kinning Park: You look like a bottom, vote Tory!! You know it makes sense!!

 

STATISTICS:

Of the 992 users I managed to question before I gave up evading my Grindr bans, 380 responses were counted. 160 of these users answered with parties (not including joke answers like “The Sex Party” and “The Naked Party”).

Voters in Scottish Parliament elections get two votes – one vote to elect an MSP in their constituency using first-past-the-post, and one vote to elect additional MSPs from broader regional lists using proportional representation. In order not to overly harass users for specific details of their votes, I made the following assumptions: that anyone who replied with only one party was supporting them in both the constituency and list vote, and that anyone who replied with two parties without clarifying which was their constituency vote and which was their list vote was naming them in sequential order – the first being their first vote (i.e. their constituency vote), and the second being their second vote (i.e. their list vote).

This is every combination of parties I received:

34.4% (55)Both votes SNP
16.9% (27)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Green
12.5% (20)Both votes Green
12.5% (20)Both votes Conservative
5.0% (8)Both votes Labour
1.9% (3)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Labour
1.9% (3)1st vote Green, 2nd vote SNP
1.9% (3)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Conservative
1.9% (3)No 1st vote, 2nd vote Green
1.3% (2)Both votes Liberal Democrat
1.3% (2)Both votes Alba*
1.3% (2)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Liberal Democrat
0.6% (1)Both votes Libertarian
0.6% (1)Both votes Monster Raving Loony*
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Conservative
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Liberal Democrat
0.6% (1)1st vote SNP, 2nd vote Alba
0.6% (1)1st vote Green, 2nd vote Labour
0.6% (1)1st vote Green, 2nd vote Communist
0.6% (1)1st vote Conservative, 2nd vote Labour
0.6% (1)1st vote Conservative, 2nd vote UKIP
0.6% (1)1st vote Labour, 2nd vote Green
0.6% (1)1st vote Labour, no 2nd vote
0.6% (1)1st vote Liberal Democrat, 2nd vote Conservative

*Neither of these votes is possible – the Alba Party is not standing in any constituencies, and the Monster Raving Loony Party is not contesting this election at all.

Here are the constituency votes on their own:

56.1% (88)SNP
15.9% (25)Green
14.0% (22)Conservative
9.6% (15)Labour
1.9% (3)Liberal Democrat
1.3% (2)Alba
0.6% (1)Libertarian
0.6% (1)Monster Raving Loony

And here are the list votes on their own:

36.5% (58)SNP
32.1% (51)Green
15.7% (25)Conservative
8.2% (13)Labour
3.1% (5)Liberal Democrat
1.9% (3)Alba
0.6% (1)Libertarian
0.6% (1)Monster Raving Loony
0.6% (1)Communist
0.6% (1)UKIP

Additionally, I kept count of unprompted negative mentions of parties (“definitely not SNP”, “fuck the tories” etc):

13SNP
8Conservative
6Alba
5Green
5Scottish Family
4Labour
4Liberal Democrat
1Reform UK

(3 negative mentions of the SNP, and 1 of Labour, came from users who claimed to be disenchanted former voters.)

Not counted towards the percentages are the following responses:

23Undecided
22None of the above
9Not eligible to vote
166Evasive or unclear

And evasive or unclear responses can be roughly divided into the following categories:

32Miscellaneous evasion
30None of your business
25General incredulity
19Too horny to engage politically
16Vague/cryptic
14Non sequitur/incomprehensible
13Fuck off, fuck you, shut the fuck up etc
9Just not interested
8Unambiguously sarcastic answers

 

This is one of three polls conducted in the run-up to the elections of May 6 2021. The other two are:

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